Blurb
Late one night, you and your friends decide to visit the annual carnival. It's not open yet, but you sneak in anyway. Big mistake. Because sneaking out again might not be so easy...And before you escape, there are many horrors to face. Will you brave the Supersonic Space Coaster? Risk the deadly Doom Slide? Or confront the evil Snake Lady?
The Choice is yours in this scary Goosebumps adventure that's packed with over 20 spooky endings!
ROUND 1: In Too Deep
Character Select: William Deep Jr.
We kick off our first adventure with our good friend, the lovably stupid Billy Deep. His friends, Patty and Brad, are arguing over what to do with their evening. This is before vapes were invented, so I understand that year 8s have no suitable way of killing time. Eventually, Patty decides that they should settle for the ol' Goosebumps standby - breaking and entering. This time, they're off to the carnival, which is still being set up. Yay? Billy's all, "Nah fam, I'm off home," but the book says, "screw you, mate, you're doin' it, ya coward." (You get a choice, but it really doesn't matter.) So, Billy caves in, and they all pop over to the carnival, which looks way better than last year's. But how the hell can you get better than the waltzers? There's even a rollercoaster. Yeah, a rollercoaster at a carnival. I don't know how, either.
The gang, after noticing the carnival games and the freak show, encounter
Team Billy leave the tent, to encounter a group of people chanting "Pay or Play?" "Why not both?" asks EA. Horrifico explains the whole thing to them: Billy must play 2 carnival games and win, or, well...
With 25 points, Billy Deep saunters off to the other game, Guess Your Weight on Mars. Oh, there's always one of those, isn't there? However, there's a problem meaning that I can't play: I don't know my Earth weight. Also, it's not using the metric system, so I'm rather stumped. So, I just go with the one which'll let Billy win, and, lo and behold, he wins. He gets a rather large bar of chocolate. Again, I was expecting a selection box chocolate bar this time.
Horrifico then tells Billy that it's time for the final challenge. Also, Patty and Brad have been captured. Good job I don't care. (Billy may, though. Sorry, dude) He's fitted with a pair of awesome trainers and a metal helmet. Then the wall next to him is magnetised, and he shoots over there like a very stupid bullet. The final challenge is another Wheel of Chance, except I have no idea what's on any of the spaces. I just have to guess. The Wheel Stops on YOU WIN, and Horrifico tells Billy to go get his prize. "Sucker!" says the book. "Check the title, mate! You have to escape! They're not just gonna let you go!" OK, that's hilarious.
The crowd surround Billy, now chanting "Sudden death!" Suddenly, Billy whips the Monster Blood out of his pocket, and pours the stuff out. So, the escape plan is to have the carnival devoured? Isn't Billy in the carnival? What am I talking about; this plan's got "Billy Deep" written in all caps at the top of every page. As the carnival workers flee, the Monster Blood turns its attention to Billy. That was quick. He dives out of the way, as the Monster Blood crashes into the wall, creating an opening that Billy, Patty, and Brad (don't worry, they're not dead) dive through. When they look back, the carnival and the Monster Blood have vanished as the clock strikes midnight. Well, it's either that, or Billy Deep just murdered a ton of people.
VICTORY!
ROUND 2: The Boys are Back in Town
Character Select: The Beymer Twins
So, blah blah blah, breaking into the carnival. That ought to be the Rick and Tony Beymer's field of expertise. Once more, they head off to Madame Doom's tent, but pick up the blue card instead. On it reads "Help us! We're stuck here! Yours sincerely, the Freaks. XXX" In response, Patty, Brad, and the Beymer Twins, in a surprising sense of selflessness and nobility, make their way to the Freak Show.
After going through a KEEP OUT door (in Goosebumps, putting up a KEEP OUT sign seems to accomplish as much as complaining about under-representation in Harry Potter), the gang come across various freaks in cages, such as a lass with boa constrictors round her waist, a lady with a beard and someone on the internet who doesn't see politics as simply capitalism, socialism, and communism. The Snake Lady (yes, that's her actual name), a character who was advertised earlier, explains that they're constantly being locked up by Horrifico after every show. This is especially bad for the fat lady, who's almost bursting out of her bars. I'd wish I was making this up if it weren't for the fact that this is the internet.
Suddenly, the Snake Lady hears Horrifico coming down the hall. Deciding to stay and shout at him, Rick, Tony, Patty, and Brad remain still as he strides into the room. They shout at him, but, in keeping with Goosebumps tradition, Horrifico insists that this is all a big joke. They decide that he's lying, so he retaliates by bunging the lot in a cage. In the cage is various other prisoners, such as Harold, a man the size of Thanos' ego, and hands the size of 2 rugby balls. In order to rile him up a bit, and get him to break everyone out, the twins begin to insult him. Since it's sunny outside (yes, that's a defining factor), he gets mad, picks up the Beymer twins, and hurls them out of the carnival like the Horror throwing away Julie Martin's SD card. They're killed on impact. Oh come on, England! The one time I need it to be raining, and it's sunny!
Character Select: Donut Steel, action hero extraordinaire
For those who don't know who Mr Steel is, check out my review of Escape From Horrorland (PC). It should be in the "Only 10 Posts You'll Read" bar.
Donut, Patty, and Brad once more do the same thing, except, this time, they decide to go on the rides. Patty and Brad start checking out the rollercoaster, named the Supersonic Space Coaster, and, since there’s no queue (first time for everything, I guess), they decide to go on it. Also, the alternate option is a haunted house. After a lot of screaming and escaping certain death by doing nothing (Lizzie has taught Mr Steel well), the 3 cars detatch, and the ride stops. Must be at Th13teen at Alton Towers. Monsieur Steel decides to hop out, and encounters a dwarf. Why is there a dwarf on a space-themed ride? The dwarf offers help, but DS politely declines. I mean, why trust anyone in a choose your own adventure book?
Donut Steel is met with 2 doors, one red and one blue. A coin flip determines that he goes through the red door. I suppose it’s a better choosing method than “is it sunny outside?” Going through, he ends up at the Doom Slide. Horrorland - sue someone. (How the tables have turned!) The Doom Slide works like the regular Doom Slide, except I’m the one picking the number this time.
Zooming down slide 7, DS comes out by a pink building with a pink door, 3 skeletons lived with laughter coming from the other side. Inside is a bunch of people dressed in weird clothing. They must’ve got lost on their way to the Great Exhibition. A woman with a parasol welcomes Donut to the Carnival of Horrors. The whole deal with the place is that it appears in a different place every night. If DS (and Patty and Brad too, I guess) don’t escape by midnight, they’ll be stuck there forever. I suppose this explains why Horrifico was a-OK with 2 kids and a mashup of Homer Simpson and Duke Nukem breaking into his carnival in the dead of night.
Donut leaves, and meets up with Patty and Brad. They have 2 exit paths - one through The Hall of the Mountain King (can’t imagine what sort of music they play in there), and one through Halloween Express (spelt with an apostrophe, for some reason). Mr Steel decides to go through Hallowe’en Express (Nah, that just looks wrong), which turns out to be something like Scorpion Speedway from the Horrorland DS game, but with less awesome carts. Suddenly, a horde of zombies appear, lurching towards them. And a ghost gets control of the cart. The gang leaps out of the car, and, because I can’t throw a ball in the air, clap 3 times, and then catch said ball, (seriously though, who has a tennis ball in the vicinity of them reading a Goosebumps book?) they make it.
It’s now 2 minutes to midnight, the hands that threaten doom (I swear, they do this on purpose), and the carnival people are chasing after team Donut. To escape, they decide to hop on a baby train, since the alternative is a cannon. And getting launched out of the carnival didn’t go so well last time. As a nearby clock strikes midnight, the train starts moving, and they pass through a tunnel, as Brad counts the chimes for no reason. It’s annoying, though. The gang exit the tunnel, and come out in the lame carnival. Then they get kicked out, though Donut says he’ll be there for the carnival. He’s only in it for the chip van, isn’t he.
Extra ToppingsIf Billy Deep (somehow) didn't get the Monster Blood from Wheel of Chance, he would end up in a room full of dummies. And, since they've already
Conclusion
Escape from the Carnival of Horrors was one of my favourite books growing up, and I can see why. The pacing's good, the stories are fun and diverse, and there are plenty of nice characters and challenges one should overcome. While the story sometimes ends a bit abruptly, overall I think it's a strong CYAO story. Pick up a copy if you find one.
Next Time: Back to school... in July. Errr... sorry, guys. On the plus side, it's a school full of zombies. And there's an electric chair. As you do.
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