Goosebumps Most Wanted Special Edition #2: The 12 Screams of Christmas (Part 2)

Previously on The 12 Yawns of Christmas...
So, an 8 year old (Carly Beth Caldwell, now), fell into a well and died. Merry Christmas indeed. Then our protagonist (Molly Molloy) can see ghosts, and hates the guts of her arch-nemesis obligatory panto drag act (Matt Daniels). Also, there is a teacher in it called Mr Piccolo and they're all in a play called the 12 Screams of Christmas that's about nothing in particular and - wow, nothing really happened last week, did it? I didn't even bother to post about it!

Plot
PART 2 - Christmas Number Yawn
Mr Harpsichord announces that, because he is the most method-actor non-actor in the history of the universe, the gang are going to go rehearse the play at an old haunted house. For 2 days. Wow, that sounds like more than enough time to perfect an entire play. Also, is an old, run-down house really a better venue for play rehearsals than an auditorium with a stage and everything?

So, the gang all get on a bus to the house. Finally, Molly Molloy discloses the plot of the play.

The play is about a family that spends Christmas in a haunted house. The ghosts of the house terrify the family. There are lots of thrills and chills. Twelve horrifying screams. Terrible things happen. But in the end, they celebrate Christmas together and learn that the holidays are meant for everyone.

I don't think I've heard of anything worse that was Christmas-related since a Christmas party for Oliver Cromwell on a specially-constructed nude beach in Siberia. At the house, Mr E flat Alto Clarinet explains the myth behind the house. It's not worth talking about, really. The only way of you finding that out is to read last week's post, and lord know you're not gonna do that. Then they rehearse the worst Christmas song ever created since Ebeneezer Scrooge's cover of Whoever He Is by New Hope Club.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love screamed "I see...
"A buzzard in a bare tree."

I'm pretty sure I've just inspired 17 people to jump off a bridge simply by writing that on this post. Whoops. The song is so bad that it apparently wakes the dead, as Molly Molloy begins seeing visions of the ghosts of the Beymer twins (*audience boos*), who refer to her as "Carly Beth" for the next 7 chapters. She tries to convince a bunch of boring characters of what she's seeing, but, big shock, they don't believe her. 

Eventually, she hears voices coming from upstairs, and, succumbing to curiosity (might as well start the year with some classic cliches), she pops up. And it's full of ghosts (the Beymer twins and their parents), and they all think that Molly Molloy is actually Carly Beth. Because they're morons. After some rather creepy scenes in which Molly Molloy and the Beymer twins sit on the knee of a skeletal Father Christmas, they eat the skeleton of a turkey for Christmas dinner, and everyone writhes in pain to the performance of another song from The 12 Screams of Christmas. Because even the undead can't stand this musical.

Eventually, it's time for the exchanging of presents. Because she didn't even know she was invited to this party until an hour ago, Molly Molloy hasn't brought any gifts; not even a selection box. As such, Christmas is ruined for the Beymers. The twins calmly react by chucking Molly Molloy out of the window, which she survives. So they decide to lob her down the well. You know, the incredibly traumatic manner in which they lost their sister. However, Molly Molloy says that she can help get Carly Beth out of the well... and yells "Come up!" 12 times. AND IT WORKS.

However, Carly Beth is having difficulty climbing out, being in the body of an 8-year-old. Luckily, Matt Daniels (oh yeah, [s]he's in this story) emerges, and Molly Molloy casually asks her arch-nemesis to hold her legs whilst she reaches down. "M'kay" says Matt, and Carly Beth is saved from... er... nothing, really. And everything is lovely once again. Wonderful. And then Carly Beth shows herself to Matt, and then everyone proclaims Matt the new subject of scorn and ridicule. Finally, Carly Beth moves in with Molly Molloy, and, like a jerk, bagsies Molly Molloy's own bed.

Extra Toppings
There was an extra main character called Jack that was so useless I haven't even bothered to mention him up until now. At the end of the story. I think Molly Molloy might've had a crush on him or something. I really didn't pay attention to him.

Conclusion
This is dumb. Nothing is scary, the musical sucks, the plot is boring, the only character worth caring about (Mr Hurdy-Gurdy) is only interesting because I get to change his name a lot, and the entire idea behind it has as much reason to be about Christmas as Oliver Cromwell's Arabic birthday bash in August. Damn this book and the flimsy paper it was printed on.

Next Time: The old favourites are back again for the 100th post! And they're still not really doing much.