Plot
After their moderately successful production of Screams in the Night, the Werewolf's New Polytechnic Drama Society are back, just in time for Christmas! And, seeing as how we couldn't agree on what to do with the nativity or a panto, we're performing this instead. Please turn off all your mobile phones... unless, of course, you're reading this on one... make sure you've got your overpriced snacks, and enjoy the show!
THE CAST OF THIS CHRISTMAS PRODUCTION OF 'THE 12 SCREAMS OF CHRISTMAS'
Kate Welles shall be played by Molly Molloy, from Revenge of the Living Dummy
Courtney Smith will be played by Matt Daniels, from Monster Blood for Breakfast. Hey, every panto has at least one female character played by a man!
Flora Marcus is going to be played by Carly Beth Caldwell, from The Haunted Mask
Ned and Abe Marcus will be played by Rick and Tony Beymer
Directed by Charlie Valentine
Script by R.L Stine
Music by Leroy Anderson (and by that, I mean Christmas Festival on a constant loop. Stick that on with Spotify for a bit)
PROLOGUE: Ding Dong Bell, Carly Beth's Down the Well
We open our story in the unspecified past from the perspective of Tony Beymer, with he and Rick pinching the hat of their little sister, Carly Beth. Tony exposits that they're moving into a new house, though this information has a lower priority than the time Rick poured molasses into everyone's inkwells. Eventually, after much standing around, not moving the plot on, and discussing the time Carly Beth sat on Ma's gingerbread house, they go into this shed and decide to poke around with a wasps' nest. It goes about as well as you'd expect.
Eventually, Carly Beth and the Beymer twins escape the wasps, so the latter pair decide to dance. As you do. Carly Beth decides to dance as well... because why not... atop a well. She, of course, slips in and dies. Yeah, really. Her voice echos out of the well, repeatedly calling for them to get her out. The end. There's certainly nothing about dumb musicals or Paranorman ripoffs. So, I'll just say Merry Christmas folks; see you next week! (*One More Sleep 'Till Christmas plays over the credits*)
We open our story in the unspecified past from the perspective of Tony Beymer, with he and Rick pinching the hat of their little sister, Carly Beth. Tony exposits that they're moving into a new house, though this information has a lower priority than the time Rick poured molasses into everyone's inkwells. Eventually, after much standing around, not moving the plot on, and discussing the time Carly Beth sat on Ma's gingerbread house, they go into this shed and decide to poke around with a wasps' nest. It goes about as well as you'd expect.
Eventually, Carly Beth and the Beymer twins escape the wasps, so the latter pair decide to dance. As you do. Carly Beth decides to dance as well... because why not... atop a well. She, of course, slips in and dies. Yeah, really. Her voice echos out of the well, repeatedly calling for them to get her out. The end. There's certainly nothing about dumb musicals or Paranorman ripoffs. So, I'll just say Merry Christmas folks; see you next week! (*One More Sleep 'Till Christmas plays over the credits*)
PART 1: The Boys (and Girls) Are Back in Town
OK, fine, there is more than that. We jump to the present day, with Molly Molloy monloguing about how annoying her "friend," Matt Daniels is. As if we don't already know that. Molly Molloy is running late for a play rehearsal at the school, so she reluctantly takes a shortcut through the cemetery, where she sees a bunch of spectral figures. Like I said, Paranorman. Or the Ghostbusters remake; whichever you fancy. In short, Molly Molloy can see ghosts. Why? Who cares? Not the author! Final bit of exposition for now: everyone makes fun of Molly Molloy, calling her "Ghost girl" and stuff. See? Ghostbusters remake!
At the play rehearsal, Molly Molloy darkens her pants because of her ringtone. Then, a ghostly figure emerges, but it's actually Matt, partaking in a lame, overdone prank. The troupe gather round the teacher, Mr Piccolo, who's not played by any specific character because... c'mon, Mr Piccolo! So, yeah, Mr Bassoon says that he's going to tell them a spooky scary ghost story about a boy named Cliff, who was sickly and frail and stuff, and wanted to star in the school play. Naturally, he was taken to the doctor's, and given proper treatment - nah, I'm kidding. Cliff won the lead role, but the doctors said "What? No! That's a terrible idea, you nincompoop!" Naturally, the night before the play, Cliff died. Merry Christmas to you, too, Mr Tenor Sax! However, Cliff ended up performing the play the very next night. OK, that's a pretty good ending. Can we go home now, Mr Euphonium?
As the auditions begin, Mr Viola sends Molly Molloy to go get his clipboard. However, upon retrieving it, the door to the room she's in locks itself. Luckily, someone finds her, saying that Matt told Mr Vibraphone that she'd gone home. And he believed her, despite the fact that she was off on an assignment, and there was no way Matt could've known. So, she goes upstairs and beats up Matt. The 2 end up falling through the trapdoor, and are killed on impact. The end. Urgh, fine, that's not the end either.
Molly Molloy and Matt find themselves in the basement, where they encounter a hoard of ghosts, who make Molly Molloy... sing
At the play rehearsal, Molly Molloy darkens her pants because of her ringtone. Then, a ghostly figure emerges, but it's actually Matt, partaking in a lame, overdone prank. The troupe gather round the teacher, Mr Piccolo, who's not played by any specific character because... c'mon, Mr Piccolo! So, yeah, Mr Bassoon says that he's going to tell them a spooky scary ghost story about a boy named Cliff, who was sickly and frail and stuff, and wanted to star in the school play. Naturally, he was taken to the doctor's, and given proper treatment - nah, I'm kidding. Cliff won the lead role, but the doctors said "What? No! That's a terrible idea, you nincompoop!" Naturally, the night before the play, Cliff died. Merry Christmas to you, too, Mr Tenor Sax! However, Cliff ended up performing the play the very next night. OK, that's a pretty good ending. Can we go home now, Mr Euphonium?
As the auditions begin, Mr Viola sends Molly Molloy to go get his clipboard. However, upon retrieving it, the door to the room she's in locks itself. Luckily, someone finds her, saying that Matt told Mr Vibraphone that she'd gone home. And he believed her, despite the fact that she was off on an assignment, and there was no way Matt could've known. So, she goes upstairs and beats up Matt. The 2 end up falling through the trapdoor, and are killed on impact. The end. Urgh, fine, that's not the end either.
Molly Molloy and Matt find themselves in the basement, where they encounter a hoard of ghosts, who make Molly Molloy... sing
"On the first day of Christmas, my true love screamed, 'I see...'"Oh dear God, that's terrifying! Make it stop! Luckily, we get a double run of good luck on that front, as not only does Molly Molloy became unable to sing, but she also wakes up. Yep, it was all a dream. She was knocked out when she fell, and Matt was cushioned when she landed on Molly Molloy, straight out of an episode of Bottom. So, in summary - I just wasted an entire blog post on 15 chapters worth of information that could've been condensed into 3, maybe 5 at most. This is why my viewership is declining. I'm sorry, I'll try and get you a better Christmas present this year.
Despite all these various names I've been calling him, Mr Kora actually looks like a bass fiddle.
Next Time: Will the play be a success? Will Molly Molloy reconcile with Matt? Will anything of value actually happen? Find out next week!
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