Jack Harmon can't think of anything worse than getting picked on by the bullies at school, until he discovers an even bigger threat. When he finds a cell phone on the bus home, Jack hears a strange voice on the other end. Whoever it is wants Jack to do things - bad things. Jack keeps trying to make his new "friend" happy. But everyone thinks Jack has lost his mind. How can he overcome something that he can't see but is everywhere?
Plot
We open with our protagonist, Jack, being beaten up on the school bus. Welcome to America; where our disciplinary system is about as good as our season of The Inbetweeners. When the bully (yeah, he has a name, but are we really gonna remember him for anything other than that?) is actually kicked off the bus ride home for the terrible, terrible crime of spitting on a baseball cap (just so you know, I've got some pitchforks and torches on sale for just £5 apiece), Jack comes across a random telephone on the bus. And it's absolutely loaded with apps. Suddenly, the phone rings, and because the story needs to move along, Jack answers it. On the other end is a mysterious voice, who says that she's going to be his new best friend. After trying and failing to guess who the voice is, Jack's first option is not to hang up, but just to switch the phone off. Not that this is too silly, but it just seems like an odd prioritisation of options. Anyway, it doesn't work; the voice is still there, so Jack just leaves it on the bus. And everything's lovely once again. Wonderful. And then he goes home.
Except someone thinks that the phone is Jack's, and tosses it to him. The voice within the phone (let's call her Not-Siri) is mighty annoyed at Jack, and threatens him with absolutely nothing even close to specific if he ever tries that again. He decides to deduce who Not-Siri is by simply going through the photos... but they're all of him, his family, and the rock band posters he has on his wall. You know, the things everyone takes photos of. That being said, this is a very clever and suspensful moment. Kudos, Not-Siri.
After trying (and obviously failing) to show one or two people that Not-Siri is real, Jack goes up to his room, where he asks Not-Siri what'll happen if he hands it into someone. Not-Siri calmly responds by giving Jack a violent electric shock. There's nothing more to really add after this scene, other than a suggestible line or 2.
Jack's mate Eli comes over, and, since he's good with computers and the like, Jack figures that he might be able to help. At first, Eli doesn't be- you know what, you already know how this sentence is going. However, Not-Siri speaks up and tells Eli to sod off. Eli comes up with the solution that there's a second SIM, speaker, and receiver built into the phone, and that it's being controlled via that. However, Jack realises that if they try to take the phone apart, they might get zapped, so Eli comes up with a plan B: smash it with a hammer. And they do, meaning that everything's lovely once again. Wonderful.
Except it isn't, because Not-Siri starts talking out of Eli's game console - oh I'm sorry, game player. And yes, it melts. Yes. So, Jack and Eli tag along with Jack's Dad to the local electronics store to find out about getting the game 'player' replaced. However, while the guy on the till nips round the back, all the TVs in the shop suddenly switch on, with a mouth on it, similar to the cover. And... it's not too bad actually. Until they all just switch off for no reason.
On the way back, they realise they have to turn around to get Jack a phone. Because Dad just felt like it, I guess. When the phone (essentially a Brick) rings, it's Not-Siri, saying that she's gonna be sticking around. Wow, the villain isn't gone by chapter 18? Goodness gracious me, I'm so shocked! Anyway, Not-Siri finally explains herself. Apparently, she was the product of an experiment in Artificial Intelligence. She's nobody; just a voice. No physical form, just a spark of electricity. That's actually pretty good. Also, this whole 'non-entity' business that she's got going on means that finally I realse what Triggerman by Alice Cooper is about. Not-Siri (or Emmy, as she says she wants to be called, because she doesn't belong to anyone on Brooklyn 99) reveals what her ultimate goal is - she's not the only thing of her kind (let's call them the Triggermen), and Jack's going to find them. Or die. Or, worse, grow sideburns similar to Blaze Bayley's.
The next day, Emmy demonstrates her control over Jack by making him randomly scream at the top of his lungs in class. Her next task is to steal one of the school laptops, as apparently another Triggerman is in there, and she hints that she might leave him alone after that. Seems an awful coincidence that 2 Triggermen ended up in the same town. However, when he tries to take the laptop, a teacher walks in on him, so he ends up having to talk his way out of it. Emmy barely reacts to this, probably because she suddenly realised "just walking into the IT suite and grabbing the computer" was not the best idea.
The day after, Emmy tells Jack that yet another Triggerman is inside the bully's sidekick's camera. Which he brought with him to school. In 2012. Anyway, Jack tries to back out, so Emmy calmly responds by igniting his backpack. As artificial intelligences that can only control data and electricity do. Jack caves, and manages to sneak the camera. However, Emmy needs to take it back home so that she can get some time to analyse it. This plan is foiled by a pretty funny scene on the bus, wherein the main bully steals the camera, thinking it's a different one, because he's wanted that camera for some time. OK, it's funnier in the book.
That night, Emmy tells Jack that it's time to resort to the ol' Goosebumps standby. Jack responds to this task with something I'd never thought I'd read in one of these books.
"I'm a kid. I'm twelve years old," I protested. "I don't break into houses."Really? It kinda seems like that's what all twelve year olds are doing these days. Between all the vaping and playing Fortnite, obvs. Eventually, Jack gives in, and climbs in. After getting the clock radio which apparently hosts the next Triggerman, Emmy realises that it, well, doesn't. So, Jack decides to put it back, but gets caught. When confronted by his parents about the situation, he tries to take this as an opportunity to grass on the bullies, much to Mr Gilbert's disapproval. However, when Mum calls one of them up, their mum talks to them about how Jack stole the camera. She neglects to mention how unsuccessfully it went. And how the bully stole it as well - this whole thing seems rather one-sided.
The next day passes rather uneventfully, largely due to Jack leaving Emmy at home. However, when he gets back, his sister whom I neglected to mention until now, Rachel, is in his room, being electrocuted by the phone. He yanks the phone from her and smashes it into a million pieces. Emmy is now coming from the iPod, so he smashes that with a sledgehammer he used to destroy the original phone. Then he smashes his laptop, and it looks like Emmy's finally gone for good. As is Jack's access to the internet.
Not long after, a few days later, Jack's back at school, only to discover that Emmy's moved into his digital watch. On the bus, the bully decides to do something memorable, since he's moving away tomorrow. He's about to pants Jack and chuck his jeans out the window, but Jack stops him by giving him the watch, which he'd been after for quite some time. This, I'm not going to lie, is a really satisfying conclusion to the story. Or at least it would be if it weren't for an extra scene in which it's revealed that Emmy somehow turned the bully into another Triggerman. Let's just pretend that doesn't exist.
Any Questions?
Alright, one thing to get off my chest about that last scene before we erase it from our minds:
Don't Scream is... surprisingly good. Despite the basic premise being pretty similar to Son of Slappy, of all things, Emmy is a genuinely chilling villain, with an explanation that doesn't give away too much, and the ending (I say, scribbling out the last chapter) is satisfying. There are also some good scenes, like the sledgehammer bit. Overall, a surprisingly enjoyable gem.
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