Since this story is a celebration of Goosebumps and contains like 90% of the tropes from the series, this review shall be done primarily in checklist format.
✓-Bland, forgettable protagonist
We open with our protagonist, Zach Morris, played by Dylan Minnette (Don't Breathe, 13 Reasons Why),
✓-Moving into a new house
Wow, we're moving quickly! Zach's mum, Amy Ryan, has got a job, and as such they have to move to Madison, Delaware. Wait, how did a New Yorker get offered a job in Delaware? Anyway, we're then introduced to our
✓-Mixed quality sidekick
Zach then meets his neighbour, Hannah, and they immediately hit it off. However, Hannah is called back inside by her father, Jack Black, playing the
✓-Incredibly funny supporting character who everyone wishes was the star.
The downside is that Jack Black isn't that interesting yet. Give it time.
✓-Improbably named character/
On his first day of school, Zach meets a boy named Champ, played by Ryan Lee (he hasn't really been in much). Yes, that is a nickname... it's short for Champion. For whatever reason, Champ dresses like the 11th doctor (though at least he looks more like a 16 year old than Zach). Anyway, Champ and Zach exchange details so they can get dates to the fall dance the next day. Chances are, everyone's gonna be taken by then. (Then again, would you go on a date with someone called Champion who dressed like an Edwardian landowner?)
That night, in a scene that totally wasn't lifted from the best Spider-man movie, Hannah meets up with Zach while he's taking out the garbage. They then have a nice character bonding moment in
✓-Unlikely early circumstances
as they hang out in an abandoned amusement park/carnival/whatever that the council couldn't be bothered to take down. Boring as Zach is, his relationship with Hannah is very well explored, and is something nice to see other than Jack Black. Ooh, that reminds me:
✓-Sole saving grace that makes everything worthwhile in the end
The next day, Zach's doing his homework, when he sees Hannah arguing with Jack Black through the window.
✓-Charlie responds to an improbable situation with only the word
somehow. Zach, being reasonable, calls the cops, but Jack Black tells them that it was a movie. And, by extension,
✓-Nobody believes the protagonist
Later, after Mum goes to chaperone the dance, Zach decides to sort out Jack Black, with a little help from Champ and the ol' Goosebumps standby,
✓-Breaking and entering
And, in conjunction with that,
✓Charlie gets an opportunity to shoehorn in that picture of Mayor Kravindish saying
✓-The protagonist causing all the main action because they're an idiot
Zach goes to put the book back on the shelf, but accidentally opens it. And the abominable snowman climbs out of it, knocking books off of the shelf. Have to say, I wasn't expecting that... is what I would say if this wasn't in 745% of the promotional material. The gang chase after it, as another book conveniently unlocks and flips open.
✓- Something happens for no other reason than if it didn't, the story would be over.
By the way, take 3 guesses as to who's going to come out of the book.
- protagonist causing all the main action because they're an idioth
Zach, Hannah, and Champ chase after the abominable snowman to a convenient ice rink. However, since Deadpool's not got a zamboni to take it down with, they don't do a very good job of containing it. Luckily, Jack Black turns up at the last minute, and saves the day. And everything's lovely once again. Wonderful. And then they go home.
On the way back, Zach somehow susses that Jack Black is actually RL Stine, the author of the Goosebumps series. Wow, I didn't expect that... is what I'd say if I hadn't said this sentence twice before. As Stine prepares to dash out of Delaware with Hannah, he comes to the room with all the books in, to find that, to no-one's surprise, that the writers have found a way of
✓-Showhorning Captain Slap into the story
Yep, Slappy's the main villain. At the very least, he's also played by Jack Black, which could imply that he's a dark reflection of Stine. Dr Von Slap sets fire to the Night of the Living Dummy manuscript... despite the fact that Mr Wood was the main focus of the story... and then runs off with a bunch of other books.
Displaying his fantastic taste in literature, the Slappmeister gets a ride in the shape of the Haunted Car, and a legion of foot soldiers... in the shape of lawn gnomes from Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes.
✓-Failed attempt to make something not scary scary.he protagonist causing all the main
Zach and the gang beat them up pretty easily after they throw a knife at Zach, but they can apparently regenerate, so they run. In fairness, I'd run from a fight with lawn gnomes just so I wouldn't have to tell anyone about it.
The gang run into town, where they discover that everyone's been frozen by some aliens who didn't have any freezing tech in their book. (I had to look this one up; apparently they're from Invasion of the Body Squeezers. Yes, it's terrible) Zach gets an idea - if Stine can write a new book, the monsters might get sucked back into it. So that's what prompted the reboot in 2008! However, Stine can only create the magic manuscripts with his special typewriter. May I ask what might be a dumb question? If you didn't want monsters running around, why the hell would you pour the dark side of your subconscious into booms written on a magic, monster-making typewriter?
✓-Generic forgettable monsters
Remember a Shocker on Shock Street? Well, Stine actually forgets that he wrote it in the first place when they're attacked by the giant praying mantises.
"When the hell did I write about giant praying mantises?"-StineWhile passing the supermarket, the gang have to bale out the car when confronted with a
✓-Werewolf
More specifically, Will Blake from the Werewolf of Fever Swamp. (Sadly, Rockstar Hobo didn't come along for the ride) After a game of fetch, the werewolf gets taken out by Zach's Aunt Lorraine, who I haven't mentioned yet because she doesn't do much beside hitting the werewolf with her car, and acts as a love interest for Stine. Then she goes to the cops, only for the aliens to freeze her.
✓-Was there any point to that character?
Everyone dashes through a cemetary, wherethey're attacked by zombies. But more importantly, Zach sees moonlight shine onto Hannah, revealing that she's actually a fictional character created by Stine. Despite the fact that it's later implied that she's eternally 16, and she clearly should be 12. Also -
✓-Seemingly human character turns out to be inhuman
They escape the zombies, and end up at the school. Zach takes Stine off to the side, and confronts him about Hannah. Stine confesses that he was pretty lonely, and needed a daughter to keep him company. OK, that's actually pretty touching.
So, as Hannah and Champ successfully find the typewriter, Zach dashes to the dance to warn everyone. Not surprisingly, they don't believe him, even being mocked by
✓-The School's/
However, they tunes are soon changed when the praying mantises burst in. And thus,
✓-The resident jerk gets their comeuppance as a result of the action
Wow, that was quick.
The head makes an announcement for the gang to get out of there, as the monsters break into the school. As Zach battles a bunch of bees -
✓-Being improbably perfectly fine
The crush's boyfriend runs off (this is treated as if running away from a ravenous werewolf is incredibly indecent), so Champ bites the werewolf. This causes the werewolf to run off, because Champ has silver fillings.
✓-Perfectly logical, but still incredibly stupid
Stine starts writing his latest work in the main hall, but Dr Von Slap-
✓-Oh yeah, he's in this story
- arrives and slams the typewriter shut on his fingers. Zach, Hannah, Champ, and Stine run out, and climb aboard a bus to lure the monsters away from the school. They catch up to the bus... but it's a decoy, with a dummy driving it. Somehow. Also, the bus is a cleverly disguised bomb, that blows all the monsters to inkdom come, and causes some
✓-Property damage.
They make it to the old abandoned amusement park from earlier, but Captain Slap survived the explosion, and unleashes the blob that ate everything upon them. Zach types furiously under Stine's instructions, and finishes the manuscript. However, in a genuine moral dilemma, Zach realises that if all the Goosebumps characters get sucked back in, he may never see Hannah again. Luckily, Hannah reveals that she new she wasn't real all this time, and somehow takes fictionallity (is that a word?) remarkably calmly.
✓-Relevant info that should've been revealed much earlier.
And thus, Zach opens the manuscript. Slappy and the other monsters are all sucked in, and Zach and Hannah share a kiss-
✘-Romance is completely avoided
-before saying goodbye. And it's actually really touching.
Not long after, few months later, the school's fixed (but probably not the bus), and Stine starts working as an English teacher. Despite the fact that being an author should still be his profession. (Seriously, who's writing the modern series if it isn't him?) Zach, who has actually been dealing with the love of his life being sucked into a novel to be presumably mocked by some 15 year old English bloke on a blog barely anyone reads rather well, is approached by Stine. And Hannah. Yep, Stine wrote one last book with the typewriter, just for Zach. It's sweet. However, as Zach and Hannah walk off together to go do something indecent in the bathroom, it's time for the
✓-Twist ending that will almost certainly be forgotten in the sequel
Stine looks over to the typewriter, and someone starts writing on it - Brent Greene, the invisible boy from My Best Friend is Invisible. (He showed up earlier, and I couldn't be bothered to mention him). Stine screams, despite the fact that it's not like the Brent can do much - he's a minor inconvenience at best in the book (we'll get to that later).
Any Questions?
I can't remember who or when exactly, but I once saw someone post in a Goosebumps fan group about whether or not Stine's other books are magic as well. Can we expect a Fear Street movie now or something? (For those unaware, Fear Street is like Goosebumps but with older protagonists, less supernatural beings, and a lot more illegal activity. If you want to know more, there's this blog called the Shadyside Snark you could check out)
Extra Toppings
At the end of the film, Stine waves to the drama teacher, played by Mr Black, played by the real RL Stine. There's 2 of them? Is that how they pumped out so many books in the '90s?
Conclusion
Goosebumps is by no means a perfect movie, but it is a fun one. The idea is creative, the effects are well done, and the comedy always hits home, especially thanks to Jack Black. While Zach was forgettable, he at least had some very good chemistry with Hannah. And Champ did... yeah, ok, Champ's lame. Overall, definitely worth a watch.
Next Time: Goosebumps goes to the stage! And it should probably get off, at the request of the audience.
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