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| That pizza has no right to look as good as it does. |
Sammy's an expert on science fiction. He's read all the books. Seen all the films. But his parents believe he's wasting his time. They're research scientists and only believe in real science.
Then someone - something? - moves into Sammy's room. Wrecks it. Eats his food. Says he just wants to be Sammy's best friend.
Sammy knows he's in trouble. Strange creatures always want something. Your body. Your brain. Your blood. Something. But how do you get rid of an unwanted friend... when he's invisible?
Plot
We open with our protagonist, Sammy, giving some exposition at the dinner table. Hey, don't monologue with your mouth full! His parents are complete OCSs - Obsessive Compulsive Scientists. To the point that Dad is scribbling a chart on his napkin whilst discussing morphology with Mum. Morphology, to those who don't know, is the study of the shape of organisms. I don't know a whole lot on it, but I'm pretty sure no charts are involved. Anyway, Sammy tells them that he and his buddy Roxanne are going to go see a horror film called "School Spirit." Dad at first takes this to mean that Sammy has school spirit, which nobody under the age of 54 has ever unironically used. Then he shuts down Sammy's interests by belittling science-fiction. Which ghosts are not. They are horror/supernatural.
Sammy goes up to find that Roxanne has shown up via the ol' Goosebumps standby of breaking and entering. She's here to discuss their term project (I don't know what that is), which they decide to do on haunted houses. Are haunted houses a required part of the American curriculum or something? This is why they all act like the Earth's flat. Then Dads scares Sammy with a plot device, Roxanne leaves, and Sammy trips over nothing. This all takes up 3 or 4 chapters.
The next morning, someone eats Sammy's cereal, and he's thoroughly melodramatic about it. Later, someone messes up his room, and his pizza is eaten by something invisible. That something is Brent, an invisible boy. Brent, by the way, is perfectly normal to you or I in every sense of the word, other than he's invisible. He's not an alien, he's not a ghost, he's not even invisible Sloth from the Goonies.
Anyway, after a couple of chapters of Sammy trying and failing to convince Roxanne and his brother (who I'd neglected to mention 'till now) that Brent is there, and obviously failing, Roxanne tells Sammy the story of the local haunted house, which they're going to stake out for the project. Once, a family called the Stilsons moved in, and immediately, the hedges grew really really tall, like in Sleeping Beauty, except it blocked out the sun to the house. Because light. Anyway, some ghost who is suddenly introduced started haunting some kid named Jeffrey, and then the story gets really vague and then Roxanne grinds to a halt. Then Brent unscrews the lightbulb and - you know, this really isn't worth the time. I'm taking a nap.
Right, I'm back. The next day, everyone's apparently talking to invisible people. But they're not. It was just an elaborate prank by Roxanne. OK, screw this. I'm going to talk about something more worthwhile.
A Slightly In-depth Look at the Monster Dentist Office from Return to Horrorland
Because even this is better than what I'm currently talking about
The Monster Dentist Office is, without a doubt, the dumbest attraction at Horrorland, and we've seen some doozies, let me tell ya. It somehow qualifies as an attraction, despite the fact all you do is sit in a chair and have Horrors mutilate the inside of your mouth. Yes, there are kids with broken teeth and holes through their tongues because of this attraction. Hardly needs saying, but
Their motto is apparently "A Happy Tooth is a Happy Tooth." Never would've realised - (*phone rings*) Damn. 'Scuse me for a sec. What do you mean I'm rambling? You really wanna see more of My Best Friend is Invisible?... OK, fine.
AND NOW, BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING
So, at some sports thing which I had once more neglected to mention, Sammy's doing a running race, when Brent comes along and grabs Sammy, lifting him up into the air. Why did this guy get to come back for the movie? Then he throws him at Roxanne and yada yada yada, nobody cares.
So, that Saturday, after some more pointless chapters, Roxanne and Sammy go to Hedge House, where they're attacked by a ghost. And, of course, nothing much of note happens. The most interesting thing is that the ghost smothers Roxanne with a pillow. You know what, I'm not even going to keep up the incredibly lame charade: it's not a ghost; it's Brent. You'd probably figured that out by now.
Back home, we finally get something done: Sammy's parents (oh yeah, they're in this story) schedule an appointment with a shrink for him, so Sammy runs down to the basement and grabs the plot device from earlier, which is actually something that makes invisible things visible. What does that have to do with morphology? Anyway, he shines it on Brent, revealing him to the parents and making them all recoil in terror. "But wait a minute," you don't say. "Didn't you establish earlier that there was nothing weird about Brent?" Well, hold onto your hats, because Sammy questions how he can survive with no feelers, 2 eyes, and arms that don't wrap around his body. Yep, Sammy and everyone else were aliens the whole time!
So, Dad calls the zoo to pick up Brent, after Sammy's brother asks to use Brent as his science project. Clearly this kid has never heard of "ethics."
Extra Toppings
Sammy's brother spent half the book doing a science project on his growth. Bear in mind that Rodrick from Diary of a Wimpy Kid tried almost the exact same thing, except his alternative ("Do Plants Sneeze?") was still better than Sammy's Brother's ("A sentient creature being held against its will"). Also, Rodrick got called out by his teacher, but only because his results didn't show what he was trying to prove; Sammy had to just say "This is stupid; do something else," to his brother.
Any Questions?
So, how was Brent able to survive all this time? Alien worlds presumably do not have the living conditions Homo sapiens are used to. In fact, how did Brent get there? He says his Mum made him invisible, so she must be there too, right? In fact, how long has Brent been invisible? What was he doing before that? Why am I asking you all this; it's not like you'd know!
Conclusion
If deathly boring was a book, it'd be called My Best Friend is Invisible. The plot's boring, the characters are boring, the ideas are boring, the ending is... not boring, but certainly a frustrating cop-out. I'm already out of things to say except don't try and burn this book; there's not enough energy in it for it to stay alight for very long.
Next time: Since I've nothing much to do, I'm just dropping celebration of Halloween, but I'm still going to do a 2 part Halloween special for you guys anyway because... I don't know, I love you or something.
Sammy goes up to find that Roxanne has shown up via the ol' Goosebumps standby of breaking and entering. She's here to discuss their term project (I don't know what that is), which they decide to do on haunted houses. Are haunted houses a required part of the American curriculum or something? This is why they all act like the Earth's flat. Then Dads scares Sammy with a plot device, Roxanne leaves, and Sammy trips over nothing. This all takes up 3 or 4 chapters.
The next morning, someone eats Sammy's cereal, and he's thoroughly melodramatic about it. Later, someone messes up his room, and his pizza is eaten by something invisible. That something is Brent, an invisible boy. Brent, by the way, is perfectly normal to you or I in every sense of the word, other than he's invisible. He's not an alien, he's not a ghost, he's not even invisible Sloth from the Goonies.
Anyway, after a couple of chapters of Sammy trying and failing to convince Roxanne and his brother (who I'd neglected to mention 'till now) that Brent is there, and obviously failing, Roxanne tells Sammy the story of the local haunted house, which they're going to stake out for the project. Once, a family called the Stilsons moved in, and immediately, the hedges grew really really tall, like in Sleeping Beauty, except it blocked out the sun to the house. Because light. Anyway, some ghost who is suddenly introduced started haunting some kid named Jeffrey, and then the story gets really vague and then Roxanne grinds to a halt. Then Brent unscrews the lightbulb and - you know, this really isn't worth the time. I'm taking a nap.
A Slightly In-depth Look at the Monster Dentist Office from Return to Horrorland
Because even this is better than what I'm currently talking about
The Monster Dentist Office is, without a doubt, the dumbest attraction at Horrorland, and we've seen some doozies, let me tell ya. It somehow qualifies as an attraction, despite the fact all you do is sit in a chair and have Horrors mutilate the inside of your mouth. Yes, there are kids with broken teeth and holes through their tongues because of this attraction. Hardly needs saying, but
AND NOW, BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING
So, at some sports thing which I had once more neglected to mention, Sammy's doing a running race, when Brent comes along and grabs Sammy, lifting him up into the air. Why did this guy get to come back for the movie? Then he throws him at Roxanne and yada yada yada, nobody cares.
So, that Saturday, after some more pointless chapters, Roxanne and Sammy go to Hedge House, where they're attacked by a ghost. And, of course, nothing much of note happens. The most interesting thing is that the ghost smothers Roxanne with a pillow. You know what, I'm not even going to keep up the incredibly lame charade: it's not a ghost; it's Brent. You'd probably figured that out by now.
Back home, we finally get something done: Sammy's parents (oh yeah, they're in this story) schedule an appointment with a shrink for him, so Sammy runs down to the basement and grabs the plot device from earlier, which is actually something that makes invisible things visible. What does that have to do with morphology? Anyway, he shines it on Brent, revealing him to the parents and making them all recoil in terror. "But wait a minute," you don't say. "Didn't you establish earlier that there was nothing weird about Brent?" Well, hold onto your hats, because Sammy questions how he can survive with no feelers, 2 eyes, and arms that don't wrap around his body. Yep, Sammy and everyone else were aliens the whole time!
Extra Toppings
Sammy's brother spent half the book doing a science project on his growth. Bear in mind that Rodrick from Diary of a Wimpy Kid tried almost the exact same thing, except his alternative ("Do Plants Sneeze?") was still better than Sammy's Brother's ("A sentient creature being held against its will"). Also, Rodrick got called out by his teacher, but only because his results didn't show what he was trying to prove; Sammy had to just say "This is stupid; do something else," to his brother.
Any Questions?
So, how was Brent able to survive all this time? Alien worlds presumably do not have the living conditions Homo sapiens are used to. In fact, how did Brent get there? He says his Mum made him invisible, so she must be there too, right? In fact, how long has Brent been invisible? What was he doing before that? Why am I asking you all this; it's not like you'd know!
Conclusion
If deathly boring was a book, it'd be called My Best Friend is Invisible. The plot's boring, the characters are boring, the ideas are boring, the ending is... not boring, but certainly a frustrating cop-out. I'm already out of things to say except don't try and burn this book; there's not enough energy in it for it to stay alight for very long.
Next time: Since I've nothing much to do, I'm just dropping celebration of Halloween, but I'm still going to do a 2 part Halloween special for you guys anyway because... I don't know, I love you or something.
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