Ray Gordon really loves the circus. His uncle, Theo, is a performer in Koko's Klown Academy and he invites Ray to come visit for the summer. At first, Ray's parents are reluctant - they know their son has a habit of getting into strange situations. But Ray manages to convince them that he'll be on his best behaviour.
The circus itself is very cool. The clowns stay in their makeup all day and only go by their clown names. Ray becomes a clown in training called Mr Belly-Bounce. But the longer he's their, the scarier things become. There are whisperings about a place called Clown Street, and nobody, not even Murder the Clown, wants to go there. Will Ray be able to survive the dark secrets of the circus?
Plot
WELCOME - This place is a bit dead
So, now, post-Horrorland, all Goosebumps books have poorly constructed framing devices before the story. And they're also printed on terrible paper that feels weird and is way too thin, but we're not here to talk about that. So, the Most Wanted books, like this one, kick off with us visiting R.L Stine, the author. I've no idea why we're there, but i imagine it's to shout at and/or punch him for creating a certain Matt Daniels. Anyway, this time, after regaling us with some hit and miss jokes about zombies (hence the subtitle), he gestures to some posters. One of these is a poster of a clown. Specifically, Murder the Clown. No, not that guy from When the Ghost Dog Howls, he just has the same name as him. Then he sits us down and begins to spin Murder's tale. Better get the kettle on; it's a long, 40 chapter one.
A NIGHTMARE ON CLOWN STREET - Murder Most Fowl 2: Freddy's Revenge
We open with Ray Gordon (no, not that guy from Slappy New Year, he just has the same name as him) and his friend Heather sneaking off to the circus. First page, and already we've got breaking and entering. I do not have high hopes for Ray. The 2 were supposed to be doing their science project, but Ray got bored, said "screw this," and took Heather down to the tiny circus that doesn't even deserve 20 million posters in the window of every chippy on the peninsula. Of course, Ray didn't tell Heather that they were going until they got there. Instead of just paying, Ray comes up with a terrible plan: blend in with a group of people as they go to the ticket booth. The plan works as well as a microwave made of ice cream. On the sun. So, Ray comes up with another plan. Since he is now unable to distinguish fiction from reality or something (Parents: "Bloody phones."), Ray recalls this movie he saw in which a bunch of kids snuck into a circus tent by going under the back. I'm pretty sure that was a Roger the Dodger comic from the 1950s. And it failed miserably (well, for Roger, anyway). AS Heather crawls under, a gigantic man shows up to save this part of the story with some jokes.
"Do you know what we do to people like you who sneak in? Do you?"The giant man introduces himself as Tiny, and his looking for his partner, a dwarf named Biggie. An old gag, but a good one nonetheless. He makes another funny joke about tiger cages, and Ray starts the sole purpose of the first 5 chapters - exposition. He explains that his Uncle Theo is a clown, who works at Koko's Klown Academy, and that Theo keeps saying that Ray can come over for the Summer, though he never actually does. "Yeah," says Tiny. "Being a clown's great. As long as you stay away from Clown Street, that is." Before can Ray satisfy the audience with asking what the hell Clown Street actually is, Dad shows up. No idea how he tracked Ray down, but if it gets this over with faster, then I'm perfectly fine. As Dad takes Ray and Heather (oh yeah, she's in this story) back home, Ray calls out to Tiny, asking him what Clown Street is. Finally, we're getting some answers! Actually, no we're not. Tiny just says "You don't wanna know," and the scene's over.
"N-no," I stammered. "What do you do?"
"We don't do anything!" the giant man boomed.
Back home, Ray's Dad talks to Mum about what happened. This is interrupted by Ray telling us that everyone tells him that his Mum's hot. I'd call him out for giving too much information to us, but I've just done that by mentioning it. Mum mentions that Uncle Theo has finally invited Ray to come spend the Summer with him at Koko's. Despite the fact that Ray just casually tried to break into the circus in the dead of night, Mum and Dad are easily convinced to let Ray go. Because, if he didn't, the book would be over.
So, 2 weeks later, School's Out by Alice Cooper, and Ray's shipped off to the Academy. As he hops off the bus, Ray sees a red faced man running towards him with an axe in his head. Urgh, I can't go anywhere without that happening. Actually, it's just Uncle Theo, or, rather, his clown name, Murder the Clown (Jonathon Chiller, prepare to be sued.). Since Koko's Klown Academy apparently takes place in the same universe as the Skullduggery Pleasant books, everyone has their own clown name, which they all go by. And they all have to stay in costume the whole time, for whatever reason. Murder seems to thrive on hit-and-miss dark comedy, which he demonstrates to a bunch of bystanders. It's really on a scale from "Your face is making me cry!" to "'Scuse me, have you seen my axe?" in this scene.
Ray and Murder set off to the circus. On the way, Ray asks him what Clown Street is, but Murder is interrupted by having to sign some autographs with a 3-foot pen. I don't even have to make jokes here; everything's already the right amount of stupid. After strolling around the circus tent, getting hot dogs from Kat's Dogs and exchanging banter with a clown on stilts, Ray and Murder pass a dunk tank with a clown on it who looks poised and ready to darken his incredibly baggy trousers. As Murder tells Ray to keep walking, a boy knocks the clown into the water. In a genuinely creepy scene, the clown plunges into the tank, actually darkening his incredibly baggy trousers, and getting sucked down a hole at the bottom, thrashing all the way. Murder takes a page out of Horrorland's book, and brushes it off as a joke, despite the fact that it very clearly wasn't.
At 3:00, the circus cast, made up almost entirely of clowns, gathers at the food tent. As Ray is introduced to them, 2 grab him, and bounce him on a trampoline until he flies off, and is caught by 2 more clowns. Me next! So, Ray is introduced to some of the clowns, such as Billy Laffs, Tommy Teardrops, and Mrs Giggle-Wiggle. They exchange more funny jokes, such as:
"Do you know what the monkeys work for?"Suddenly, a deathly silence falls as a large man in clown makeup and a ringmaster uniform shows up. It's the boss. And what is the name of this giant,towering figure who makes every clown make a large deposit in the bank of their trousers? Mr Hahaface. Oh good lord. Mr Hahaface holds up a needle the size of Hong Kong, saying that he has to take a blood sample from Ray to "see if he has some clown blood in him." But then he lowers the needle. It was just a joke they play on newcomers. Everyone starts talking again, exchanging some more jokes.
"No. What?"
"Same salary as you."
"I'd rather be a clown than a circus elephant. He works for peanuts!"Ray notices that the clown who got dunked isn't at the table. Upon noticing this, he asks Murder about it. His response is simply, "I dunno," though Ray is suspicious nonetheless.
Murder takes Ray up to his trailer. Before this, however, Murder presents Ray with his costume, act, and clown name (which he shall be known by [in my case, anyway] for the remainder of the book) Mr Belly-Bounce. His act? Bouncing his big padded belly. It's explained further later, don't worry. On the way, Murder and Belly-Bounce almost get hit by a low flying knife. Neither of them are sure who threw it or why, so they decide to just keep going instead of, say, telling someone that somebody threw a knife at you?
Murder and Belly-Bounce arrive at the latter's caravan, where his roommate, Bingo-Bongo, is playing ping-pong against his other hand. That's basically Bingo-Bongo's entire act, except he does it blindfolded. That's not a circus act, that's a viral video on Youtube from 10 years! As Bingo-Bongo goes to take a phone call, Mr Belly-Bounce notices a female clown his age running up to him. She introduces herself as Deanna Banana, a knife-throwing clown. Wait, they gave the knife throwing act to a 12-year old? I thought that we'd be done with the lawsuits once I'd finished talking about Horrorland! Mademoiselle Banana explains that she's grown up in the circus. There is a nice moment, in which Belly-Bounce and Bananagirl compare how drastically different their upbringings, and therefore some of their beliefs of what's normal, are. As Belly-Bounce starts to ask D.B what Mr Hahaface's deal is, Bingo-Bongo calls him inside. BB tells BB that it was a bad idea to ask Knife-girl about the boss, because she's his daughter. This only makes me wonder if Deanna Banana is actually her real name.
That night, Belly-Bounce is awakened by someone calling his name, so he gets up to investigate, instead of ignoring it and going back to sleep. As he steps out of the caravan, he trips over a rope and falls into a huge pile of fish. This is a very odd episode of Impractical Jokers.
After breakfast the next morning, Murder starts to help Belly-Bounce rehearse his act. Approximately 8 hours before his first performance that evening. As the trapeze act, the Flying Fool Brothers, start flying above them, and Billy Laffs chases a duck around the tent, Murder describes Belly-Bounces act. He has to run around the ring, bumping into everyone and knocking them over. OK, that's pretty funny. After Murder leans to the side, causing Belly-Bounce to fall over, Billy Laffs comes over and starts having an insult battle with Murder.
"The last time you looked in a mirror, the mirror shouted, 'I surrender!'"That night, Belly-Bounce gets ready for his performance, only to find that his clown shoes have been cut in half. Bingo-Bongo's suggestion is merely duct tape, the other universal solution to everything. (The main one is, of course, a cup of tea.) Belly-Bounce eventually just fixes them with duct tape, despite the fact that this short scene ends with him saying "Duct tape is a terrible idea!"
Soon afterwards, the show commences. All the clowns rush on. Belly-Bounce gets some good laughs by bouncing off a pole. Then everyone stands still while Murder does his thing. After some kid spits water into Murder's face, Deanna Banana comes on to do her knife throwing act. I hope the audience all have insurance. Bananagirl's act comprising of her throwing knives at an assistant, and completely missing 112% of the time. How bad is she? The assistant only has a knife in his back, though I assume that's just a prop. Belly-Bounce then starts doing his thing, bumping into the other clowns, as they run around doing their respective things. Then BB trips over Bingo-Bongos' shoe... and ands right on top of Mr Hahaface. While that gets a big laugh from the audience, and makes us wish that we could actually see this, Hahaface is silently fuming from then on.
After the show, Hahaface pulls Mr Belly-Bounce aside, and asks him what the hell he was thinking. Belly-Bounce explains that he'd tripped over Bingo-Bongo's foot. He makes it very clear that the whole thing was an accident, and that Bingo-Bongo meant nothing wrong. Remember this, because Mr Hahaface sure as hell won't.
After getting punched in the stomach by a bunch of kids, Belly-Bounce runs into Deanna Banana. And she's holding a knife. Actually, wait, it's not a knife at all; it's a phone. (Parents: "What's the difference?") Belly-Bounce, you're an idiot. After DB and BB get hot dogs, they pass the Dunk-A-Klown booth. And Bingo-Bongo is sat on the stool, looking primed and ready to fill his trousers with a certain liquid. Then the ball reaches the target, and Bingo-Bongo's trousers are filled with a different liquid, as he's pulled to the bottom, mouthing for help until he's finally sucked down. "Ignore it," says Bananagirl. "He's being punished." Wow, Hahaface's punishments seem really lame.
Back at the trailer, Belly-Bounce discovers that all of Bingo-Bongo's possessions have gone. He's confused, when suddenly, someone enters. The man introduces himself as Dr Phooey, Belly-Bounce's new roommate. When asked where Bingo-Bongo is, Doc P says that he must've gotten sent to Clown Street. As always, Ray is confused as to what Clown Street, but the Doc says that he just got this job, and doesn't want to lose it. Reasonable, I suppose.
Wanting answers, Belly-Bounce sets off for Murder's mobile home. There, he sees Murder taking off his make up... revealing not Uncle Theo, but someone else entirely. The someone else introduces himself as David Ford, alias Monkey Face; so called because of his ability to make various funny faces. He explains that, soon after he wrote the letter inviting Belly-Bounce to come down to the circus, Murder got into big trouble with Mr Hahaface, and got kicked off to Clown Street. Instead of writing a letter to Belly-Bounce, saying that he couldn't come anymore, Mr Hahaface got Monkey Face into his office. He said that Monkey Face, as a friend of Murder, would have to fill in for him. He tried to protest, but Hahaface threatened him with Clown Street if he didn't. Honestly, the apparent character outlined for Hahaface here is really sinister and distracts from his dreadful name.
Belly-Bounce, as a 12 year old in a Goosebumps book who isn't related to the Morrises, decides to do something. He's going to get himself sent to Clown Street to rescue Murder and Bingo-Bongo, and stop whatever Mr Hahaface is up to. Belly-Bounce comes up with a plan: a performance of the classic custard pie gag on a sleeping Mr Hahaface, in order to anger him and get a one-way ticket to Clown-Street. So, he goes through with the deed. However, after he's slammed the pie into Mr Haha'sface, he finds that it's not the boss at all, but rather Tommy Teardrops. Belly-Bounce tells him what he's up to, but Tommy tries to discourage him, being a sensible adult and all.
Belly-Bounce, of course, doesn't listen, and runs off to the Dunk-A-Klown booth. However, just before he can plunge into the tank, Deanna Banana runs over to him, telling him to stop. Is there no-one else in this circus? Give Mrs Giggle-Wiggle some time in the limelight! Mademoiselle Banane reveals that she set up the fish pile, cut up Belly-Bounce's clown shoes, and threw the knife at Monkey Face (in his Murder disguise) and Belly-Bounce. Yeah, about that whole throwing a knife at Belly-Bounce:
Belly-Bounce is sucked down the bottom of the tank, and shoots along various pipes, coming out in a water tank. Somehow, Deanna Banana makes it down too, despite the fact that there is no way she could've gotten knocked into the tank. Suddenly, a gigantic squid appears, and starts to attack them. Not again! As Squidzilla begins to squeeze Belly-Bounce, Bananagirl holds a knife up to its back. Squid Kong, somehow having the brain of a human or something, backs away in defeat. This is met with thunderous applause from the audience who are apparently outside the tank. Not sure how BB and DB noticed them, but we've lost all sense by this point anyway. A pair of clowns pull our pair of clowns out of the tank, and give them towels. Suddenly, a pale, thin man appears, completely contrasting with everyone else around. I like it; it's a good villain design for this story.
At the command of the pale man, the 2 clowns hoist our 2 clowns into a car, and drive them to Clown Street. Belly-Bounce asks the driver who the thin man is. He tells Belly-Bounce that his name is The Frightener. Dear lord.
BB and DB are dropped off at a tall, grim looking building called The Clown Street Hotel. It's not much of a hotel; more of a prison. This is probably the best scene of the book, with the grim atmosphere, the x-ray machine BB and DB pass through, and a clown being dragged away by the guards, screaming "Not the bear cage!" A few moments later, there's the roar of a bear, a bloodcurdling scream, and the cries of a cheering crowd. "Poor guy," says the clown in the cell next to the one that Deanna Banana and Belly-Bounce are put in. Belly-Bounce peers through the bars, realising that this clown is actually the real Murder the Clown.
A guard hands Belly-Bounce, Deanna Banana, and Murder some dry clown suits. The clowns all have to stay in costume 24/7. The x-ray machine, in fact, makes their clown make-up permanent. Remember this, because Belly-Bounce sure as hell won't. Suddenly, the Frightener makes an announcement over the intercom. He's still scared of clowns, so he communicates with them indirectly. His nephew, Freddy, is having a birthday party, so they're going to entertain him. Not by fighting bears or something, which would be rather entertaining; they're just supposed to be doing normal clown stuff. I don't think Murder was the best choice for this job. And, if they mess up, they've all got a one-way ticket to the bear's stomach. Yikes. Belly-Bounce, however, suddenly formulates a plan. The clowns will scare the kiddies, and the Frightener will come in to see what's going on. Then, they'll scare him so much that he won't be able to stop them escaping. Fairly solid, I suppose.
On the bus over to Casa de Frightener, everyone puts on some spooky makeup and costumes. Except Murder, who just puts on his normal clown garb. Murder is truly in his element here, giving some splendidly violent dark comedy. After Murder does his solo act, everyone else starts beating each other up. Furniture is trashed, walls are bounced off of, and fake blood flies everywhere. The kids start screaming - with laughter. Just as it looks like the plan has failed, the Frightener busts in, demanding to know what the hell's going on. Immediately, the clowns spring into action, terrifying him. And, by 'terrifying,' I mean 're-enacting the scene from Mary Poppins where Mr Banks gets fired/beating him up.' Regardless, it works. The Frightener runs out of the room, screaming for his mother. Then the bear gets loose, and attacks the Frightener. As the clowns leave, they hear the bear give a triumphant roar. Yikes.
Later, back home, at the end of the summer, Belly-Bounce is welcomed by his parents, who ask him to wash his make-up off, since he's still wearing it. However, it won't come off. The end. Wow, I'm on the edge of my seat.
Extra Toppings
Ray (Belly-Bounce) is sometimes nicknamed 'Ray Gun,' due to his short temper. Said short temper never comes up once.
Any Questions?
How did the various circuses in the Frightener's employ cover up all the disappearing clowns? Clowns don't just vanish into thin air!
Conclusion
A Nightmare on Clown Street is wonderful. The comedy is well delivered and creative (especially Murder's) Koko's is a fun yet slightly off enviroment, and Clown Street is the perfect contrast to the circus, especially the Frightener. If I do have one complaint, it's that the twist ending was a little rushed, but, aside from that, it's definitely worth reading.
Next Time: We return to the world of Give Yourself Goosebumps, with freak shows, the Doom Slide's second return (see last week), and an escape via a tiny train.
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