Ray Gordon loves to scare his younger brother, Brandon. It's not hard considering Brandon is terrified of everything—loud noises, roller coasters, and especially the wooden dummy, Slappy, that Ray got from Jonathan Chiller's HorrorLand gift shop.
In order to throw his big New Year's Eve party, Ray's parents make him promise to leave Brandon alone. But strange, mean-spirited things keep happening to his little brother, and Slappy always seems to be around for it. Could those words Ray read out loud actually have brought the dummy to life?
Plot
PART 1-I'm Dancing With the Mirror in the Man
We open in Horrorland. Again. Ray Gordon, the protagonist, likes scaring his younger brother Brandon. My, how the tables have turned. Brandon, despite being built like a rugby player, is scared incredibly easy. Once he jumped away from his own shadow, though he swore that he just tripped. Brandon's ruining the entire trip to Horrorland (there's always one, eh Matt?), because he's scared of everything. I hope he's wearing very dark pants. They bump into a Horror, and Ray asks him what the scariest ride in the park is. I think it's called "The World's Largest Pumpkin Pie," or something like that. Ray, however, is dissatisfied with the Horror's recommendations, so he takes Ray and Brandon to a testing area, which they are totally on board with, for some reason.
They're shown a work in progress ride called "The Shocker", which is basically just Lego Driving School but the cars are faster and there's no boring road safety talk before hand. Or brakes. That should only shock you if you're relatively new round here. As Brandon realises he should've brought a spare pair of underwear with him, Ray loses control of the car. The wheel starts turning for itself, and when Ray tries to grab the wheel, he gets electrocuted. Eventually, he jumps out of the car, but he's still shocked, yeah yeah yeah, and Brandon leaps out of his car to see if he's OK. Except, whoops, just joking! Ray is totally fine after being electrocuted several times, by the way.
Suddenly, a Horror covered in mirrors, Seymour Winn-doe (*groan*), appears. He says he's covered in mirrors after a terrible accident at a glass factory, though since the mere possession of a mirror in Horrorland was a crime not long ago, I fully expect this man to be executed. He takes them to a hall of mirrors, which should probably not be there, like, at all, but it's pitch black. Then he locks Ray and Brandon in the building. The Hall of Mirrors, though, is very intriguing and original: Ray and Brandon can see their reflections, but not themselves. Then the reflections burst out laughing. Since they're 12, and nothing funny's happening, I can see why. And suddenly the reflections vanish, and the door unlocks. Seymour is confused, claiming that it's just a hall of mirrors. Probably just the Aurora Borealis.
Ray and Brandon, faced with the threat in going back into the Hall of Mirrors, run like hell. Predictably, they end up at... The Doom Slide. No, I'm just kidding. They of course end up at Chiller House. They decide to look round, when Ray comes across a familiar brown haired, grey suited ventriloquist dummy and utters something that no 12 year old would ever say in real life.
"Brandon, check out this awesome dummy," I said."Get off!" yells the Slappmeister (we all know who it is, let's not tease ourselves), when Jonathon Chiller enters with his beautifully creative demeanor. He reveals that he made Slappy talk, and Ray inquires as to how much Slappy costs. I don't think he was too happy about being put on sale in a gift shop. Brandon's scared of the dummy (first time for everything), but, since it's cheap (The Slappmeister's probably even more upset now), Ray "buys" him (JC for "Gets it for free, along with a small Horror statuette"). Brandon is scared that he's going to come to life, but, because common sense with just a pinch of dramatic irony, Ray, tells him that Slappy won't come to life. As Ray, Brandon, and The Slappmeister walk back to the hotel, the dummy threatens Brandon, though Ray swears that he didn't do anything.
The Gordons leave Horrorland 2 days early, because (as I'm sure you've guessed) Brandon. A few days later, Ray wakes up early in the morning and takes Slappy into Brandon's room. He holds it a few inches above Brandon and makes The Slappmeister yell "KILL! KILL!" Mum and Dad show up and tell Ray off, saying that if he continues to scare Brandon, he and his not-girlfriend Elena won't be able to throw that New Year's eve party for everyone in the class. So, don't do anything with Brandon then. Also, why's Elena being roped into this? She's not doing anything.
While waiting for Elena, Ray starts typing his new year's resolutions. It's going to take even more effort to break them if there's more than 1. Brandon comes in and tells Ray to get rid of Slappy. He can't do that; the fandom would murder him! Elena comes over, and they start discussing the New Year's Eve party, before the subject turns towards Captain Slap. They find a piece of paper in his pocket, that says that if one reads the words on the other side, he'll come to life. Elena, clearly having not read one of these books before, starts to read the magic incantation on the back, but Brandon stops her halfway through. Suddenly, Slappy blinks, and Brandon runs away screaming. Of course, it was Ray pulling the string to make Slappy blink. Elena leaves, and Ray starts to read the magic words on the paper again, but gets called down before he can read the last word.
The next day, Ray's clearing out the basement with Dad. Suddenly, Brandon screams (what else is new?), and Ray and Mum rush up to see what's happening. Brandon's room and all his art stuff (yeah, Brandon's a keen artisit. It just didn't seem relevant until now) Mum blames Ray, despite the fact that there's no evidence linking him to this, and besides, there's no real time frame that Ray could've done it in without anyone noticing up until this point. (*inhales deeply*) "Who else could've one it?" asks Mum rhetorically. "The dummy?" Ray notices the Slappmeister in the corner of the room, grinning as usual. The parents say that Ray's party can still happen, as long as he cleans up the mess. What do they want him to do, glue Brandon's custom wrapping paper (again, irrelevant until now) back together?
The next day, Elena comes over again, when they hear Brandon screaming. And they also notice that chais are still used for sitting on. They run up to find Brandon's t-shirt draw filled with maple syrup, and Slappy perched on top. At least Brandon now has something to go on his pancakes. The parents come in and tell Ray off again. Elena begins to suspect Ray, and leaves. Ray tries to protest, but Elena queries that the only other option is that Slappy actually came to life. And that's silly, right? Besides, says Elena, on the incredibly off chance that he did, why is he only picking on Brandon? OK, you got me there.
That night, Ray contemplates getting rid of the Slappmeister. But then who will cause intense property damage and then frame Ray for it? Before he knows it, however, Slappy's leaning over him. "Don't mess with me, punk," he says. Without thinking (as opposed to all the other decisions he's made), Ray grabs Captain Slap by the head, but he tugs back. Ray grabs his leg and switches on the bedside lamp... to reveal Brandon, holding the dummy. Yep, turns out that Brandon was doing all this to set up Ray, and making it look like Slappy did it. Wow, that's something I haven't seen before in this franchise! Why? Well, since Ray kept making fun of Brandon, and in order to get rid of Slappy, Brandon decided to get Ray in trouble by wrecking his t-shirts and art works, instead of simply scaring him. Even Brandon admits that was a bit over the top. Ray promises not to tell Mum and Dad, but instead decides to bring Captain Slap to life. Well, we're only halfway through, so why not? He reads the magic words, but nothing happens. Brandon laughs at Ray's misfortune, and leaves, admitting that he's not even frightened of Slappy any more. In fairness, all he does is play mean-spirit practical jokes that are incredibly painful to read about.
The next day, the Gordons start wrapping their presents for Elena's family (Ray's parents were friends with Elena's; that's how they met and became friends. Again, irrelevant until now). At 7:30, they head off to Elena's house with the presents. As Elena greets them, she notices that Slappy's there, thinking that Ray brought him. Dammit, Brandon! Elena's improbably named twin brothers, Dustin and Justin, start grilling Ray about the Slappmeister, asking him why he brought the thing if he can't make it talk. To further the plot, obviously! This is the 7th book about this guy, we all know where this is going. Eventually, everyone makes Ray put on a show with Captain Slap, and he of course mocks everyone. And it is, as usual, incredibly uncomfortable. Then he bashes Dad on the head and knocks him out. And I thought he was going too far when he pushed Britney down the stairs (that doesn't make it OK, though)!
Elena's family kick Ray out, with his parents cementing that he won't be going to the New Year's party. Then the Slappmeister bites Ray on the nose, and, even when he starts bleeding, his parents tell him off. This is bad, even for Goosebumps standards. These are parents, not school staff! As they're going to bed, Ray and Brandon discuss getting rid of Captain Slap (again?), but can't decide what to do about him. That night, a raspy voice comes from his closet, referring to Ray as 'Slave,' and asking if he's ready to obey his orders. Slappy still follows his logic of anyone who he decides his slave being his slave, it appears.
The next morning, Elena is absolutely FURIOUS at Ray. She stops being friends with him, and Ray goes back home feeling dreadful. Suddenly, a random bloke appears at the door, claiming that Ray has something that belongs to him. He immediately runs up to his room, grabs The Slappmeister, and runs back downstairs to the bloke. Who then realises that he has the wrong address, and reveals that he was looking for his dog. Captain Slap wakes up for the first time, and chucks a vase at Ray. He misses, and it breaks. His parents come in and tell him off again, and Dad locks Slappy in the garage. I love how this book always has something new happening in it!
The next day, Brandon and Ray are going to shovel snow off of the driveway. As they go to the garage, they realise the same thing: Slappy's in there. Brandon opens the door (he's trying to be braver), and lo and behold, there's Slappy. And he's holding a pair of hedge clippers. He immediately raises them to Ray's face, but before he can cause more physical mutilation (can't he just go back to insulting them?), Brandon grabs Slappy and hoists him into the air. As they carry Slappy to a nearby bin lorry, but as they're about to chuck him in, Slappy escapes Brandon's grip. He grabs Ray, and tries to throw him into the bin van, but Brandon manages to push Ray out of the path of the lorry. Captain Slap jumps onto Brandon, but Ray hoists him off, chucking him into the bin lorry. Slappy screams as he's apparently crushed by the compactor, and I'm sure that's the end of him!
Ray finally apologises to Elena, and that apparently makes everything OK now, because she comes over around lunchtime. They beg and plead Mum and Dad for the party to go ahead like your average Kickstarter user. Eventually, Mum and Dad relent. I love how relentlessly unflinching these 2 are. As Elena and Ray start setting up the party in the basement, when they hear rasping laughter... but it's just Brandon. Thrilling.
New Year's Eve arrives in all it's mediocre glory (that's for you, Ted), and everyone in the year is there, lacking Vodka but nevertheless enjoying themselves. (*sighs longingly*) Suddenly, around 10, the music stops. Well, that's what happens when you don't put anything else in the play queue. A harsh laugh rings out, and a figure appears at the top of the stairs. Ah, the pizza's here! Actually, it's the Slappmeister, and he chaotically joins the party. Dammit, Slappy, we didn't invite you for a reason! Captain Slap apparently has super strength now(kind of fits the new nickname, come to think of it), as he prises the lid off a paint can using his varnished hands. Elena goes to stop him, but he just chucks paint at her. Yeah, this is where the paint from the basement was going. The guests jump to the insanely logical conclusion that the dummy is alive (in fairness, there's no other option, unless Ethan Crosby's at the party), and that he'd somehow locked the door. Slappy the dummy: warper of dimensions, Deadpool-like healer, mildly-strong dummy, enslaver of 12 year-olds, explanation-less survivor of being crushed by a bin lorry, telekinetic locker of doors. As The Slappmeister chucks more paint around, Ray realises that his parents are out.
As the party guests escape, Ray comes up with the idea to crush Slappy beneath the paint cans and, while Brandon points out that he'll probably survive, nobody's got any better ideas. They cover Slappy in paint cans, but he just survives that too. As he starts choking Ray (god dammit), so the latter reaches into the Slappmeister's pocket for the note with the magic words. Because, as we all know, reading the magic words always put Captain Slap back to sleep. However, the words are covered with paint. Luckily, because Ray has x-ray vision (wait 'till he meets Meg) or something, he can read the words. Which he does. Slappy makes a noise like a balloon going down, and falls back asleep. It actually worked. Wow. Mum and Dad show up, and Ray explains to them meekly that the party just got out of hand. Mum and Dad, who have shown themselves to be incredibly strict and whatnot, say "eh, whatever, it's new year's eve." OK, maybe they're not that bad.
The next day, it's revealed that Dad's fine with the paint all over the basement walls, since it looks pretty nice now. And maybe he could pass it off as artwork to any modern day art critic. That afternoon, Ray's off out to go snowboarding with his mates (*sighs Britishly and deeply*), and confirms to his Mum that he wants rid of The Slappmeister for good, kind of like when I started this blog. Mum says that she found a sheet of paper with the dummy, and mentioned that the words on it were difficult to pronounce, implying that she read them out loud. Wasn't it covered with paint? Does Slappy have infinite copies of the magic words in his pockets that he just replaces whenever he gets put back to sleep?
When he gets in after the snowboarding, Ray goes to his room and cautiously inspects his closet, where Mum had out Slappy. He's not there. Vanished without a trace. (He is Bat-Slap) I wouldn't want to live in a house where people chuck me into bin lorries either. Suddenly, Ray spies the Horror figurine that came with Captain Slap. And it's glowing. Suddenly, Ray is teleported to Chiller House, where Jonathon Chiller greets him, saying that the game is about to begin.
Next time: Another basic Slappy adventure, involving more artists and little brothers.
But the time after Next Time: The gripping finale to the Chiller House arc and the Horrorland Series.. What's Chiller up to? What happened to Bizarro Meg? How long has everybody been staying in Chiller House? Find out the answer to the first question in...The Horror at Chiller House.
Any Questions?
No, seriously, how did Slappy escape the bin lorry? Ray and Brandon saw him get crushed in there! Did he have a decoy dummy? Did he teleport out? Is he immune to bin lorries?
Extra Toppings
Brandon apparently has a crush on Elena. I didn't mention it because it doesn't go anywhere except as part of his motivation for framing Ray.
Conclusion
Slappy New Year reminded me of both why I hate and love Slappy. We of course have all the uncomfortable moments like the obligatory scene where Slappy insults everyone uncreatively, and the newfound lust for blood he has, but we also have the New Year's Eve scene, which really is fun to read, carried a lot by Slappy's charm in the scene. As for the rest of the book, it's pretty enjoyable (except the early genuine Slappy stuff), and it's probably the best Slappy book I've done so far (The first NotLD doesn't count). Definitely check it out.
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