Sunday Shorts: An Old Story

Our protagonists, Tom and Jon, have to spend a lot of time home alone, since their parents are always out. Sadly, they do not spend their time setting death traps for burglars. One day, their old Aunt Dahlia comes to look after them. They're 12, not 6! I think that they can look after themselves by this point! But, regardless, Aunt Dahlia starts feeding them non-stop prunes. In fairness, I did once eat nothing for tea but spatchkock chicken for a time, so at the very least it's mildly realistic. However, unlike the spatchkock chicken, the prunes start rapidly aging the boys. This is why you should never use the imitation Holy Grails as pans. Actually, Aunt Dahlia's a sorceress, because screw you. Some of Aunt Dahlia's friends come over and begin fighting over Tom and Jon. Oh dear. This isn't going where I think it's going, is it?

Tom goes to get some milk, and is offered the senior discount (*laugh track*). I don't think that's how buying milk works. I mena, corner shops do not typically offer senior discounts. Then he goes back  to find 2 of Dahlia's friends talking about marrying Tom and Jon, and Aunt Dahlia demands her fee for the whole escapade. I am calling the police. Tom and Jon find some anti-wrinkle cream, which is for some reason in their house with inhabitants that probably aren't older than 45. They, for some reason, put it on, and that somehow reverts them back to normal. Was it magic anti-wrinkle cream or something? What's happening?

Upon discovering that the boys have managed to reverse the prune magic (Did I just type that?), Aunt Dahlia chases them around the house. Tom finds a picture a pitcher of prune juice and chucks it at Aunt Dahlia, causing her to crumble to dust. STOP MURDERING THE VILLAINS! Also, why didn't she just chuck prune juice at the boys if it apparently just takes contact with it and not ingestion to allow it to age people? The next day, Tom sees his crush eating prunes. He warns her to toss them, and -wait, a person actually talking to their crush? Suspension of disbelief broken. Then they share Tom's sandwich and they all live happily ever after.
An Old Story is the typical garbage we've all come to expect from these short stories. The protagonists are bland (though I suppose it's better than their usual hateability), the villain is incredibly stupid, the basic idea is ludicrous, and the ending is of course a larger anticlimax than Asterix's cousin on rather large stilts. Not much else to say, really. They're like the '90s printed equivalent of lost episode creepypastas most of the time - repetetive and dreadful.   

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