For the Birds is, well, for the birds. (Obvious joke is obvious.) Kim is being dragged to a bird sanctuary for her parents' wedding anniversary. Ahh, bird poo and feathers everywhere. So romantic. Kim starts complaining because she's the only one in her family who doesn't like birdwatching. Well, suck it up. This is what the majority wants to do. Just bring a Gameboy or something! The avian-looking bloke in charge of the bird sanctuary, creatively named "Mr Dove," takes a mental note of Kim's distaste of being here, despite the fact that he runs the place and shouldn't be too pleased unless she is willing to offer some constructive criticism.
Later, Kim comes across a pair of missing hedge clippers which belong to Mr Dove, who offers to help her get revenge on her family. For dragging her to a bird sanctuary? I can think of better reasons to warrant revenge, like burning the toast, or sitting on the remote during a movie. Each family member gets a bird themed room. Mr Dove, it's time for you to take your place with Julie Martin in the club of "Shut up about [insert boring topic here]." That night, more bloody birds (If I have to hear much more of this, I'm going to go and burn down the RSPB headquarters" fly around Julie's room, as if they're trying to tell her something. Probably "Please get out of this story. Actually, wait, don't, Volume 3 has no good short stories, so you've nowhere to go." Don't worry, gang, I've got Volume 2 on hand, which has Suckers! in it. You can escape into there!
The next morning, the family go out to the hedge maze. What kind of bird sanctuary has a big maze in it? Is the twist that they're in Panic Park and this is just the Midnight Maze from Escape From Horrorland? But, sillier than that, there's a big hedge clipping of Kim's family that was made by Mr Dove. The family admire themselves, and accidentally walk into a giant birdcage. Oh no, not again! Mr Dove shows up, because he can teleport now, and starts using his magic hedge clippers-
-to trim the hedge clipping. Dammit, Mr Dove, it took you ages to make that! How are the hedge clippers magic, you don't ask because it's ridiculous? Well, he trims the hedge clipping so that the parents turn into birds. No, it's still silly if I go into more detail. Google it if you want to know. However, to help Kim get her revenge, Mr Dove turns her into a cat. So, he's saying "Here you are, murder your parents." STOP WITH THE MURDER!
For the Birds is a standard, pretty bad short story. The magic hedge clippers add to the problems with this story, in how stupid and forced it is. The set up is boring, though some of the foreshadowing is rather nice, such as the birds flying in through the window. The payoff is completely ridiculous (because, let's be honest, getting turned into a bird with the aid of magic hedge clippers is not scary) ,and Mr Dove isn't a good villain at all. He's not complex, he's not interesting, he's not creepily enigmatic; hell, he's barely active throughout most of the story! So, yeah, I don't like it. Surprise, surprise.
Later, Kim comes across a pair of missing hedge clippers which belong to Mr Dove, who offers to help her get revenge on her family. For dragging her to a bird sanctuary? I can think of better reasons to warrant revenge, like burning the toast, or sitting on the remote during a movie. Each family member gets a bird themed room. Mr Dove, it's time for you to take your place with Julie Martin in the club of "Shut up about [insert boring topic here]." That night, more bloody birds (If I have to hear much more of this, I'm going to go and burn down the RSPB headquarters" fly around Julie's room, as if they're trying to tell her something. Probably "Please get out of this story. Actually, wait, don't, Volume 3 has no good short stories, so you've nowhere to go." Don't worry, gang, I've got Volume 2 on hand, which has Suckers! in it. You can escape into there!
The next morning, the family go out to the hedge maze. What kind of bird sanctuary has a big maze in it? Is the twist that they're in Panic Park and this is just the Midnight Maze from Escape From Horrorland? But, sillier than that, there's a big hedge clipping of Kim's family that was made by Mr Dove. The family admire themselves, and accidentally walk into a giant birdcage. Oh no, not again! Mr Dove shows up, because he can teleport now, and starts using his magic hedge clippers-
For the Birds is a standard, pretty bad short story. The magic hedge clippers add to the problems with this story, in how stupid and forced it is. The set up is boring, though some of the foreshadowing is rather nice, such as the birds flying in through the window. The payoff is completely ridiculous (because, let's be honest, getting turned into a bird with the aid of magic hedge clippers is not scary) ,and Mr Dove isn't a good villain at all. He's not complex, he's not interesting, he's not creepily enigmatic; hell, he's barely active throughout most of the story! So, yeah, I don't like it. Surprise, surprise.
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