We open with a return to traditions, with the a-hole protagonists. God, I've missed those so much. Beth and her brother Spenser, unlike most traditional sibling protagonists (well, they had to change something for volume 6) get along, though to keep the mould from breaking and scholastic spending precious cash that could be spent on jaffa cakes for the break room, they enjoy bullying playfully teasing their 6 year old sister, Diane, since she doesn't look a thing like them. They're always saying stuff like, "you're not our sister," etc. Their neighbour has presumably taken to wearing a mask whenever he goes out in order to keep them from suspecting the truth. Also, they're playing draughts, despite the fact that this is 1997 and should probably be playing Pokemon Red instead. Despite all the mocking she recieves, Diane still wants to go sledging with Beth and Spenser. As you do. Like that bit in Spider Man 1, when Peter Parker and Flash Thompson go bowling together.
On the way to the hill, Beth and Spencer tell Diane that Santa Claus isn't real. Great job, you've shattered Diane's entire perception of Christmas if not reality. On a completely unrelated note, anyone know a good hitman? Asking for a friend. Beth and Spenser are wearing these weird green and red fur coats, since their mum saw them in a sale. Giving someone terrible attire doesn't exactly make up for relentlessly bullying your 6 year old sister and causing her to rethink her entire world view. After a bit of sledging, mum comes to collect Diane, though Beth and Spenser can stay for a bit longer. Thrilling.
Eventually, Beth and Spenser end up wiping out and getting caught in a net. Elves emerge, thrusting them in a sack and inquiring as to why they haven't been at elf practice. The elves take Beth and Spenser to the North Pole remarkably quickly (I mean, it took Buddy quite a bit to get to America in Elf) and take them to Santa. Santa is of course mad and tells them that they will have to work 18 hour shifts every day for the next 5 years for bunking off from whatever elf work is called, since he thinks they're elves. So here it is, Merry Christmas, everybody's having fun... Also, does mean that Santa's the villain in this story?
Beth and Spenser protest that they're not actually elves, but Santa points out that they're dressed like elves, what with their ridiculous coats. Wow, judging by the way that this version of Santa is presented, I'm surprised he's allowed to fly the sleigh. Actually, I'm surprised any of the elves work for him in the first place. Eventually, Santa gives them one chance to prove that their not elves, despite the fact I'm pretty sure that Santa would have a list of the elves in his employ which he could easily just check. But, regardless, they go to Diane, instead of someone who'd trust them, like their Mum. When asked if Beth and Spenser are her siblings, Diane replies that they aren't; in fact, they're always saying that she's not their sister. Nice job, jerks. If you hadn't relentlessly bullied her, you wouldn't be being forced to do community service by Santa. Wait, what. As the elves drag Beth and Spenser away,Diane reminds them to tell Santa that she's been good this year. I don't think the Naughty or Nice lists work that way. "Diane, where are Beth and Spenser?" "Elves dragged them away to the North Pole, where they'll stay for all eternity, mum." "Oh, OK. Wait, what?"
Santa Helpers swings between boring and stupid. The opening is boring, and the second the elves show up, it just become stupid, but not to the point where it becomes enjoyably stupid - it's just annoyingly stupid. The protagonists are unlikable, but it's not satisfying to see them get there commupance, because it's too dark, and this means we're lefting thinking, "Bloody hell! That's a bit harsh!" instead of "Hahaha, serves them right." And on top of that, if telling a kid that Santa's not real won't destroy their Christmas, then telling them that he's a cruel, unforgiving elf-dictator probably will. When you're breaking the general canon of Santa Claus, then you're definitely doing it wrong. I mean, if Santa was in A Christmas Carol, then this depiction would be the one from the Jim Carrey version. When a story can't even depict Santa right, you can probably guess that I don't recommend it to anyone unless you are a communist who sees Santa as some kind of capitalist scum who deserves to die for having an above-average paycheck.
To all reading, Merry Christmas. Unless you don't celebrate Christmas, in which case, Happy Holidays! Unless you don't celebrate anything at all, in which case, have a nice day!
On the way to the hill, Beth and Spencer tell Diane that Santa Claus isn't real. Great job, you've shattered Diane's entire perception of Christmas if not reality. On a completely unrelated note, anyone know a good hitman? Asking for a friend. Beth and Spenser are wearing these weird green and red fur coats, since their mum saw them in a sale. Giving someone terrible attire doesn't exactly make up for relentlessly bullying your 6 year old sister and causing her to rethink her entire world view. After a bit of sledging, mum comes to collect Diane, though Beth and Spenser can stay for a bit longer. Thrilling.
Eventually, Beth and Spenser end up wiping out and getting caught in a net. Elves emerge, thrusting them in a sack and inquiring as to why they haven't been at elf practice. The elves take Beth and Spenser to the North Pole remarkably quickly (I mean, it took Buddy quite a bit to get to America in Elf) and take them to Santa. Santa is of course mad and tells them that they will have to work 18 hour shifts every day for the next 5 years for bunking off from whatever elf work is called, since he thinks they're elves. So here it is, Merry Christmas, everybody's having fun... Also, does mean that Santa's the villain in this story?
Santa Helpers swings between boring and stupid. The opening is boring, and the second the elves show up, it just become stupid, but not to the point where it becomes enjoyably stupid - it's just annoyingly stupid. The protagonists are unlikable, but it's not satisfying to see them get there commupance, because it's too dark, and this means we're lefting thinking, "Bloody hell! That's a bit harsh!" instead of "Hahaha, serves them right." And on top of that, if telling a kid that Santa's not real won't destroy their Christmas, then telling them that he's a cruel, unforgiving elf-dictator probably will. When you're breaking the general canon of Santa Claus, then you're definitely doing it wrong. I mean, if Santa was in A Christmas Carol, then this depiction would be the one from the Jim Carrey version. When a story can't even depict Santa right, you can probably guess that I don't recommend it to anyone unless you are a communist who sees Santa as some kind of capitalist scum who deserves to die for having an above-average paycheck.
To all reading, Merry Christmas. Unless you don't celebrate Christmas, in which case, Happy Holidays! Unless you don't celebrate anything at all, in which case, have a nice day!
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