Well, Sainsbury's have started selling Easter Eggs, so you know what that means- it's Christmas season! So, why don't we talk about some Christmas related stories? Our first one opens up with our protagonist, Beth, watching her favourite wrestler, the Krusher on TV. Despite the fact that, y'know, it's Christmas. Watch Muppet Christmas Carol or something! It's the only time of year when that's not taboo! Suddenly, her older sister, Jodie, walks in with a VHS copy of her favourite Christmas special, A Holly Jolly Holiday (cinemasins: "Ding, Roll Credits"). She picked it up at a shop called The Christmas Shoppe, an establishment that presumably receives terrible custom 11 months of the year. Jodie sits down to watch the video, and, well... occasionally, I want to be a movie critic as well. Well, my dream has come true, as this holiday special sucks. It's about a fairy called Susy Snowflake who goes round spreading Christmas cheer. That's it. That's the entire plot. There is no conflict of any sort (unless you count the part where Susy Snowflake gives some grumpy bloke a Christmas hug) or awe-inspiring visuals and moments. Yes, of course this is Jodie's favourite Christmas special and not something better, like, say, The Snowman. Susy Snowflake gives some random kids holiday cookies (stranger danger), but only if they ask for them with the magic words, "Pretty Bitty please with Christmas trees." The only way you could make this tolerable is if you cast Nicholas Cage as Susy Snowflake. I mean, he'd probably do it.
Beth, quite logically, gets out of the room as fast as she can. After a while, she goes back downstairs, to find Jodie and her mum sat watching A Holly Jolly Holiday, because I guess an awful taste in movies runs in the family. The strange thing is, though, that Jodie and mum's hair has started turning a similar shade of pink to that of Susy Snowflake,as has the dog's fur. Beth goes off to the garage, where her dad is, and she sends him off to investigate. However, he doesn't come back. Don't worry, he hasn't died, but his beard's gone, so I'm not sure which is worst, because beards are amazing, as we all know. Everyone is being menacingly polite to each other (did I just type the phrase "menacingly polite"?). Beth notices in the mirror that her hair's turning pink, and tries to swear, but can only explain, "Oh sugar cookies!" As someone who swears like a sailor who goes round stubbing his toe every 5 seconds, I'm extremely glad that this isn't happening to me.
Jodie gets up to rewind the tape and watch it again. Beth asks Jodie for the tape, but Jodie refuses to give it to her. Instead of suggesting that the 4 of them play Goldeneye instead of watching this trash, Beth co-operates and starts racking her brain for the answer. She eats a cookie that her mum had made, when suddenly she starts welling up with Christmas cheer and feels compelled to bake (out of context alert). Do you think that this is how they got so many people to like Moulin Rouge? Suddenly, she remembers the magic words, and gets the tape off of Jodie. Instead of sitting down for a nice game of Mariokart like a normal person in 1997, Beth decides to put the tape back on. Suddenly, however, the Krusher comes on TV, snapping Beth out of her trance. She does what should've been done at the start of this story, and throws the tape on the fire, curing everyone. I should hope that dad's got his beard back now. A few days later, on Christmas day, Jodie gives Beth a videotape of the Krusher that came from the Christmas Shoppe. No, don't stop there, I bet what happens next is hilarious!
A Holly Jolly Holiday is fantastic. For once, the main character is smart and likeable, and the whole atmosphere has that feeling that something's just off, despite the cute tone presented at first. Overall, a very good story, and certainly better than most of the stories I've covered so far.
Beth, quite logically, gets out of the room as fast as she can. After a while, she goes back downstairs, to find Jodie and her mum sat watching A Holly Jolly Holiday, because I guess an awful taste in movies runs in the family. The strange thing is, though, that Jodie and mum's hair has started turning a similar shade of pink to that of Susy Snowflake,as has the dog's fur. Beth goes off to the garage, where her dad is, and she sends him off to investigate. However, he doesn't come back. Don't worry, he hasn't died, but his beard's gone, so I'm not sure which is worst, because beards are amazing, as we all know. Everyone is being menacingly polite to each other (did I just type the phrase "menacingly polite"?). Beth notices in the mirror that her hair's turning pink, and tries to swear, but can only explain, "Oh sugar cookies!" As someone who swears like a sailor who goes round stubbing his toe every 5 seconds, I'm extremely glad that this isn't happening to me.
Jodie gets up to rewind the tape and watch it again. Beth asks Jodie for the tape, but Jodie refuses to give it to her. Instead of suggesting that the 4 of them play Goldeneye instead of watching this trash, Beth co-operates and starts racking her brain for the answer. She eats a cookie that her mum had made, when suddenly she starts welling up with Christmas cheer and feels compelled to bake (out of context alert). Do you think that this is how they got so many people to like Moulin Rouge? Suddenly, she remembers the magic words, and gets the tape off of Jodie. Instead of sitting down for a nice game of Mariokart like a normal person in 1997, Beth decides to put the tape back on. Suddenly, however, the Krusher comes on TV, snapping Beth out of her trance. She does what should've been done at the start of this story, and throws the tape on the fire, curing everyone. I should hope that dad's got his beard back now. A few days later, on Christmas day, Jodie gives Beth a videotape of the Krusher that came from the Christmas Shoppe. No, don't stop there, I bet what happens next is hilarious!
A Holly Jolly Holiday is fantastic. For once, the main character is smart and likeable, and the whole atmosphere has that feeling that something's just off, despite the cute tone presented at first. Overall, a very good story, and certainly better than most of the stories I've covered so far.
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