Please Don't Feed the Bears probably should've been called "Please Don't Read Me". Found in Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps, it opens with our protagonist, Sarah, at the theme park Cuddle Bear Land. What 6 year old came up with such a ridiculous idea for a theme park? Sarah is mad because she wanted to go to a park called Midnight Mansion. Getting my idea of the plot from a wiki page, I have no further info on the park, but I can only imagine it's better than CUDDLE BEAR LAND!
Sarah cheers up a bit when her parents allow her to go on the Roarin' Roller Coaster by herself, so she rides it 5 times. I don't blame her, it sounds like the only interesting attraction at a theme park based around Cuddle Bears (whatever those are). On the 5th time, she gets to sit next to a cuddle bear on his lunch break. Because theme park employees spend their lunch breaks on rides. Like that time I saw a guy dressed as Mickey Mouse in the Haunted Mansion.
After she finally gets off the coaster, she heads off down Honey Comb Lane to find her parents and sister. Honey Comb Lane. OK, time out. For all the times I critisised the puns at Horrorland in my review of Revenge of the Living Dummy, I will at least let them off for creating a spooky yet fun atmosphere at the park. Here, however, the names of everything just reaffirm the fact that no human, sane or otherwise, would willingly come here once they turned 8. Anyway, Sarah gets lost and ducks into an employees only section. She asks the cuddle bears inside for directions to the rest centre (yeah, these places all have names, but I'm not going to say them so I don't punch a hole in my computer screen while writing this). One of the cuddle bears (everytime I type that, I feel dirty) named Kira says she'll help Sarah, but only if she eats a bag of honey crackers first. Sarah thinks that sounds reasonable, and eats one, only to discover that her elbows have sprouted hair. Maybe she's the missing character from My Hariest Adventure.
She runs out and covers her elbows, instead of, you know, telling someone. She finds her parents and they set off for home. On the way, Sarah's sister finds some honey crackers in her backpack, and she eats them all. Sarah doesn't do anything. Why? Do something! Snatch them out of her hand! Tell your parents! Pee on them like in troll 2! Anything! I don't care! Instead, Sarah just thinks that soon, she'll have her own cuddle bear.
This story sucked from start to finish (especially at the finish). The concept of the park is ludicrous, the idea for the story is moronic, and the main character's actions (or lack thereof) in the final part are some of the dumbest I've ever seen in all of horror. In short, this is one of the worst short stories in Goosebumps. If you for some reason decide to pick up a copy of Still More tales to Give You Goosebumps, I advise skipping this one.
Sarah cheers up a bit when her parents allow her to go on the Roarin' Roller Coaster by herself, so she rides it 5 times. I don't blame her, it sounds like the only interesting attraction at a theme park based around Cuddle Bears (whatever those are). On the 5th time, she gets to sit next to a cuddle bear on his lunch break. Because theme park employees spend their lunch breaks on rides. Like that time I saw a guy dressed as Mickey Mouse in the Haunted Mansion.
After she finally gets off the coaster, she heads off down Honey Comb Lane to find her parents and sister. Honey Comb Lane. OK, time out. For all the times I critisised the puns at Horrorland in my review of Revenge of the Living Dummy, I will at least let them off for creating a spooky yet fun atmosphere at the park. Here, however, the names of everything just reaffirm the fact that no human, sane or otherwise, would willingly come here once they turned 8. Anyway, Sarah gets lost and ducks into an employees only section. She asks the cuddle bears inside for directions to the rest centre (yeah, these places all have names, but I'm not going to say them so I don't punch a hole in my computer screen while writing this). One of the cuddle bears (everytime I type that, I feel dirty) named Kira says she'll help Sarah, but only if she eats a bag of honey crackers first. Sarah thinks that sounds reasonable, and eats one, only to discover that her elbows have sprouted hair. Maybe she's the missing character from My Hariest Adventure.
She runs out and covers her elbows, instead of, you know, telling someone. She finds her parents and they set off for home. On the way, Sarah's sister finds some honey crackers in her backpack, and she eats them all. Sarah doesn't do anything. Why? Do something! Snatch them out of her hand! Tell your parents! Pee on them like in troll 2! Anything! I don't care! Instead, Sarah just thinks that soon, she'll have her own cuddle bear.
This story sucked from start to finish (especially at the finish). The concept of the park is ludicrous, the idea for the story is moronic, and the main character's actions (or lack thereof) in the final part are some of the dumbest I've ever seen in all of horror. In short, this is one of the worst short stories in Goosebumps. If you for some reason decide to pick up a copy of Still More tales to Give You Goosebumps, I advise skipping this one.
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