Lindy can't get over finding a ventriloquist's dummy in her neighbourhood skip. Cool! Lindy names him Slappy. She's going to learn how to make Slappy move and talk. Her twin sister, Kris, will be so jealous.
Then Kris gets a dummy of her own, and that's when all the trouble starts. Weird things start to happen, nasty things. It seems as if Kris's dummy is making them happen.
But a dummy can't be causing all that trouble... can it?
Plot
The book opens with twin sisters Lindy and Kris having an argument about bubble gum. Reader beware, you're in for a scare. Their mother kicks them outside, so they decide to ride their bikes to the park, upon Kris's recommendation. Kris claims she came up with the idea to go and see if one of their friends is there, but Lindy says that she just wants to see if some guy named Robby is there. Kris blushes, showing that she has a crush on whoever that is. However, as they're about to get their bikes out, the new house being built catches Kris's eye. They decide to go check it out, and trespass for about 3 pages before being scared off by a squirrel. They go round the back and Lindy starts rummaging through a skip. As 12 year olds do. She pulls what looks like a child out of the skip, naturally terrifying Kris. Luckily, Lindy reveals it's actually a ventriloquist dummy, which one normally finds in a skip at a building site. Lindy claims the puppet as her own (because if she didn't, the book would be over) and names it Slappy. Sure, why not? Kris asked why Lindy chose such a stupid name, and Lindy/Slappy responds by threatening to slap her. *badum-tiss* Lindy proclaims she'll set up an act and perform at kid's birthday parties, leading to a pretty funny joke from Slappy:
"Happy birthday!" she made Slappy declare. "Hand over some money!"
Apparently, Lindy and Kris like to compete over everything, and I guess ventriloquism is one of those things, because Lindy makes Kris insanely jealous of her ventriloquism skills. I'm pretty sure no kid has ever been jealous of someone else's ventriloquism skills, but we have to keep the plot moving somehow. Later, Lindy gets her first gig. This makes Kris reach the breaking point and she begs her parents to get her her own dummy. They say she can share Slappy with Lindy, though, but when she goes to retrieve the dummy, Lindy/Slappy actually slaps her.
The next day, Dad brings home a new dummy form the pawn shop and gives it to Kris, who names it Mr Wood. The dummy is almost identical to Slappy (how convenient), except it's hair is a different colour. She brags to Lindy about how it's clothes are better, but honestly Lindy's already won this battle by not naming her ventriloquist dummy Mr Wood.
Kris attempts to practice her act with Mr Wood, using her friend Cody as a test audience, but unfortunately she's not funny. Well, neither is Matthew Broderick, but did that ever stop him? Lindy reveals that as well as telling jokes with varying quality, she and Slappy have put together a rap routine. Knowing Slappy, it's probably a diss track on the entire human race.
That night, Lindy lays out her skirt and blouse for a going away party at school the next day. She goes to bed and the next morning Mr Wood is wearing the clothes. You know, it would've been polite for him to ask to borrow it beforehand. Kris accuses Lindy, but she swears she didn't do it.
A few days later, Lindy offers to help Kris with her act, because somehow Kris persuaded a teacher to let her perform at the concert. Is the twist that Kris is actually Killgrave from Jessica Jones? Because that would make the book a lot better, and is the only logical way the teacher would've let her do terrible stand up at a school concert. Although in fairness, it would probably be a lot better than the year 7 choir. They use their friends Alice and Cody as a test audience, because Cody has nothing better to do than listen to Kris do ventriloquism, since that's all he's done so far. However, this act isn't very good because Lindy keeps nitpicking and, again, Kris is about as funny as one of those puns my english teacher sticks on his whiteboard. Mr Wood starts insulting Kris, though Lindy insists she's not doing anything.
Later, over dinner, Lindy brags about how she's making so much money, and Slappy asks for his share of the dosh. The girls go upstairs and walk in on Mr Wood strangling Slappy. Lindy accuses Kris, but she denies it. They go and tell their mother about it, who is reading a Stephen King novel. She tells them to shut up about the dummies (as caring parents do) and sends them to bed. The next morning, Mr Wood is sat with Slappy under his shoulder, looking like he'd just told a magnificent joke. Judging by his act, I doubt that.
A few days later, Lindy reveals that she and Slappy are going to be on TV, thus further inducing Kris's wrath. Kris later goes downstairs for a drink, but finds Mr Wood in the kitchen covered in food and her jewels. Because most 12 year old girls have jewels. Lindy comes downstairs as well, but before they can clean it up, so does their mum. She threatens to take away their dolls, a punishment which even Jigsaw would fear using, but the girls talk her out of it by promising to clean everything up. Back upstairs, Kris shoots the dummy in a closet, but then she hears him crying out for his release. Kris is terrified, but then Lindy reveals that she was the one making Mr Wood do everything, thus making the last 4 paragraphs entirely pointless (unless getting the book to past the 105 page mark counts).
A few days later, Kris is walking home form school with Cody and they have a nice little conversation about the dummies and Kris current relationship with Lindy. At home, she finds a piece of paper with some weird writing on it in Mr wood's pocket. She reads it out loud and Mr Wood blinks. Not exactly scary, but whatever, it moves the plot along. Next scene, please.
That night, 2 old people called Mr and Mrs Miller come round and Lindy and Kris have to entertain them. Lindy performs with Slappy first, and naturally entertains the 2 people a lot. Kris doesn't feel the pressure, however, and goes next believing it'll be good practice for the concert. However, Mr Wood starts slinging insults at the Millers including asking Mr Miller if he's growing a mustache or eating a rat. You know, Mr wood, if you're going to insult someone, at least try and be funny. Kris runs away in tears and her parents ground her. However, she's still allowed to perform at the concert, despite the fact they've seen what they think is her act and believe it to be very rude. Clearly these parents are nothing less than astrophysicists.
The concert arrives, and while the teacher, Mrs Berman, is adjusting the mic, Mr Wood makes jokes about her weight, before promptly vomiting all over her and the audience. Mrs Berman threatens to suspend Kris forever. The fact that I could sum up this scene in 2 sentences displays how much of it was Mr Wood being unfunny.
Kris shuts Mr Wood in a cupboard on her father's order's, who's going to take him back to the pawn shop in a few days. We get a pretty good emotional moment, in which Kris laments about how her life has been ruined. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees the dummy puking on everyone, and she realises that she can never show her face anywhere. It's actually one of the best moments in the original series, even if the way I tell it doesn't convey the emotion in it. But Kris is still awake because the trauma of the performance prevents her from sleeping. Then we get a pretty tense moment, solidifying chapter 18's (this chapter) position as one of the best chapters in all of goosebumps. She notices a figure sneaking around and it turns out to be... Mr Wood. Wow, who saw that one coming? After recovering from the shock of this whole thing, they have a short fight, before Lindy comes out and the puppet goes limp. Kris pleads with her sister to get their parents, but Lindy reckons it was just a nightmare. Mr Wood comes alive again, so Lindy goes off to get Mum and Dad as Kris steps on Mr Wood to stop him escaping. However, when their parents do show up, Mr Wood goes limp again. Their parents believe they were playing some kind of joke and sends them to discuss punishments in the morning (despite Lindy pointing out that there is no reason for them to believe she did anything).
The parents go back to bed and Mr Wood wakes up again. He loudly proclaims that Kris brought him back to life, giving her the idea to read the magic words again. She does so, but nothing happens and the dummy tells them that those words only bring him to life. And yet this strategy is tried in EVERY one of the living dummy books. So, the girls try to kill him, first by pulling his head off (it stays on), then twisting it off (it does nothing), and trying to cut it off... with scissors. That goes about as well as you'd expect, so Kris tells Lindy that they'll chuck him in the wardrobe and figure out what to do. Mr Wood tells them that they're his slaves (how do these dummies think slavery works?), but when Lindy brigs up the excellent point of "What if they refuse to co-operate?", he tells them that he'll go after their parents, their friends, and their dog, Barky, who I had neglected to mention up until that point. Kris points out how the wardrobe doesn't lock, so they stick him in a suitcase instead. Kris decides they'll bury him, so they do so.
They go back to bed, and the next morning they wake up, only to discover Mr Wood on the kitchen table, covered in dirt. Their mum goes to the garden centre, though Kris starts to plead for her to stay before she decides to stop herself. Annoyed, Mr Wood tries to strangle Barky (what kind of name for a dog is that?) , but Kris pulls his hands away from the dog's neck. The twins have a fight with Mr Wood. They grab his arms and decide to chuck him in front of one of the 2 steramrollers outside, thus destroying him. But before they can do so, Barky runs in front of the steamroller they were going to throw Mr Wood under. Luckily, Barky escapes death by steamroller and the steamroller operator scolds the girls for running in front of a steamroller. Mr Wood triumphantly proclaims that he's free and starts to run from the girls... right into the other steamroller. Crunch. A green gas floats out of the dummy's remains, which smells like rotten eggs. The operator gets out, scared out of his wits and thinking that Mr Wood was a child. Luckily, Lindy and Kris explain that it was just a dummy and apologise to the man for scaring him, telling him to chuck the dummy in the trash.
They go back home, only to realise that they left their window open. Kris goes to close it, but Slappy, sat under the window, grabs her arm.
"Hey, slave- has that other guy gone?" the dummy asked in a throaty growl. "I thought he'd never leave!"And, thus, one of the world's least deserving franchises was born.
Things I couldn't find anywhere to put
Slappy seems to be much funnier when Lindy's controlling him than in the other books when he's actually alive and cracking jokes. Food for thought about his comedic skills.
Where the hell did that Robby guy go? He disappears after the first chapter, despite the fact Kris's relationship with him should've been explored. It would've been interesting to see his reaction to Mr Wood's antics, and therefore where their relationship would've went.
Conclusion
Night of the Living Dummy, for all the criticism I give it, is a really enjoyable book. The prose is nice, and there are some funny jokes and scary moments in it. It honestly is the best one of the living dummy books (probably because the formula was still fresh when this one was released) and I honestly think Mr Wood is a better antagonist than Slappy. And of course, chapter 18. Just wow. I definitely recommend it.
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